Too Responsible Or Too Dumb?
It’s Friday pm here at work and 90% of the place has emptied out. People all left to start their weekends, yet, a few of the unfortunate consulting souls are still here heads down trying to make the deadline, myself included.
Last night at 10pm, half of my team members were still here. And it was like this every night in the last couple of weeks. A guy who was supposed to help me out walked out of the project earlier this week ‘cause he couldn’t handle the pressure, leaving me with 15, 16 hrs/day worth of work.
I know I’ve promised not to kill myself anymore; yet, I am still busting my ass here till midnight everyday… I sometimes ask myself why the hell I am so dumb – I am walking out here in a week; the project manager has been plain rude to me; and it’s not my fault that my team member dropped out of the project.
Or maybe I am just too responsible to the point that I become so dumb that I don’t know how to care less? I admit that it is hard for me NOT to work hard with the team to try to deliver our product on time.
I have always had this question on my mind. Should I learn how to care less and let the project fumble or should I take the abuse and help the team?
I have another hard week ahead of me so I am interested in knowing what you think…
There was some point in your career when you agreed that it was okay to work those hours. Life is full of unspoken agreements which turn into expectations.
From the article you posted the other day, the entire field has this unspoken expectation that salaried IT employees marry their jobs.
Wayne Dyer says that a belief is just a thought repeated over and over again until it’s ingrained in your mind. So, what do you do? Change your thoughts about what you are required to do on the job.
It isn’t going to be “easy”. Obviously the manager agrees with the “work to death” expectation of the IT professional. He believes he’s right and it’s likely others will, too. Yet the team member who quit stopped agreeing with the expectations around him.
And by your awesome step towards setting healthier boundaries, you are changing your beliefs and your agreements by standing up for yourself and resigning. And from that, you got a new job more aligned with your new agreements and beliefs about what you can do for work.
However, because you’ve been doing this for SO long, it’s no wonder you still feel like you have to work these insane hours still. You are essentially betraying the “agreements” and beliefs you’ve been living by for so long by moving on. And don’t forget the people around you who expect you to be the same ole Christine.
My therapist once said to me, “Kayll, stop being so hard on yourself. You’ve been doing this behavior for 25 years (people pleasing).” The further you move towars your new position, the farther you are removing yourself from old beliefs. But it takes time.
Okay, that’s my 2 cents… or more like 8 cents.
No, you aren’t dumb, just conditioned. At least you are aware of it. That’s a step in the right direction.
Yuna,
I’ve got to ask: Where is the Project Manager’s responsibility in this mess? It seems unreasonable for a company to work their best assets into a burn-out at the rate your employer seems to. When is the PM going to get an a$$ kicking from both the client (for promising unrealistic deadlines) and your mgmt chain for burning people out? In the long run, this pattern must ‘thin the margin’ for your employer…
-Nosaj
Oh…”People Pleasing” I’ve heard that said about myself…I think part of the point here is that we need to respect ourselves. Did you ever work with people who wouldn’t ask, but just tell you they are going on vacation, taking a day off, getting their nails done (truly, I had a team partner leave for the day once with that excuse)?
Somehow those types of workers understand that they come first.
What I would do is have a teem meeting and reestablish the project priorities and due dates and really drive home the importance of accountability.
And replace those negative, destructive comments about yourself, with self-affirming thought process.
Hi Christine,
You’re probably too tired to read what we are saying, let alone act on it. But what they’ve already said makes so much sense.
Time to go to your supervisor and say “hey I don’t mind busting my but for this project, but lets be on the same side.” Then tell him that it’s time to get someone or more than that in to help–even if it’s clericial support to delegeate to or it’s likely than more than the first guy will wear out and find the door before the project is over.
Wish I could help you .
Liz
It’s funny – I arrived at your site looking for places to promote my new business. Then I read your entries, and boy, can I feel your pain. I recently left my job as a consultant (complete with 80 hr weeks, between flights on Monday and Friday) for all the reasons you mention – friends and crazy expectations, and wanting to build my new business. And you are right – whereever you go in the IT business the expectations are the same. I think the most important thing for me has become the people I work with must be cool and fun, and my boss must be fabulous, and hate the OT as much as I do. And hoping that someday it will be better…