Touchy Subject of the Week: Co-ed Sleep Overs
This week’s touchy subject of the week topic was inspired by a discussion on teen co-ed “lock-ins” at Blogfabulous and through Kathy’s comment below:
What do you think of a middle school principal allowing the middle school student council to sponsor a “lock in” co-ed sleep over at the school? The student council will charge admission, the night will include pizza, movies, and doughnuts and juice the next morning. The money raised is for a field trip, since the school board has cut funds for trips, the kids have to raise their own money.
These children are 12 and 13 years old. I told my son he could attend for pizza and movies, but could not spend the night. No way do I approve of coed slumber parties, no matter what grade your in. Normally I am the school’s # 1 volunteer, but I don’t feel comfortable with boys and girls sleeping at the school, and won’t chaperone that part. I’m thinking I will volunteer to chaperone until midnight, then take my kid and go home..have you ever heard of a SCHOOL having a coed sleep over?
Okay, I have never heard of a school having a co-ed sleepover and I certainly wouldn’t endorse one.
About 25 years ago I was a teen and I remember going to “lock-ins” with out church youth group. We were dealing with a group of 20 teens (not 200) and if I remember right when it came time to sleep the boys were in one room and the girls were in another. Even in this seemingly innocent environment, there was behavior taking place that I know my parents would not have approved of.
Given that the event Kathy is asking about is a school activity, I would assume we are talking about at least 100 kids. How do you monitor 100+ kids at all times and ensure that undesirable behavior does not occur? I just don’t see it happening. What purpose does an overnight event accomplish? Couldn’t the school host a movie night that went from 8-11 pm, showed movies, served pizza and such? Wouldn’t they be able to raise money that way?
As a parent, I would be most concerned about my child’s safety. Even if I did trust my teen, how can the school assure me that my child will not be the victim of another student’s poor judgment? I think the school would really be opening itself up for a lawsuit.
So, sound off! What are your thoughts on this subject?
I agree with Kathy. There is no way I would allow my kid to do a co-ed sleepover that big at a school. I work with my church’s youth group and know how diligent you have to be when chaparoning such an event. It is a lot of responsibility and I don’t feel comfortable with giving that responsibility to my local school. I would let my child go for the early part and they would have to come home. Let them be mad at me. Taht means I am being a good mom.
WOW, I’ve never heard of something like this. I am the mother of 2 daughters (ages 19 & 15) and one son age 7.
I serve as the VP of the High school and Elementary school PTA and that type of Fundraiser to me is just out of the question. There are plenty of other ways to raise money *I am sure*.
With that all being said. There is no way my pre teen or teen would be in attendance.
I would probably volunteer to be a chaperone, allow my child to go, stay for a good bit of time and then leave before lights out
WOW!!
Aurelia
http://aureliawilliams.wordpress.com/
I think Aurelia has a great solution…I’d never even thought of the “go for a while and then go home”…I bet many kids wouldn’t mind that.
The fact that it’s a school activity and called a “lock-in” bothers me more than the co-ed part. I hate any association between school and jail.
That said, I attended many co-ed sleepovers at friends houses in high school and there was a lot less physical contact there, than there was in day-to-day life.
I have never heard of a school doing this, sounds strange, and, I agree, dangerous. A church function, like you said, is a little more controlled, and you have a better knowing of the kids who will be in attendance, if you are involved with your kids at all.
I like the idea of the moms, to leave at midnight. She has not totally exiled her daughter from the event,and this should be the highlight of the evening anyway,before midnight.
It is not necessary to have the children spend the night together in order to raise funds. They can raise funds by having the pizza and movie and charging the admission fee to participate in that part of the event, but the spending the night part is not necessary. I think the school is opening itself up to alot of potential trouble. I would not allow my kids to spend the night.
A couple of years ago, my kids did this for the church youth group and as part of setting up a haunted basement fund raiser for Halloween. It was mostly work related and not a lot of time to get into trouble – but given that there’s a 6th grader pregnant at my kids school while other Britney Spears/Paris Hilton wannabe’s parade around with their tantoos on their lower hips – I doubt highly my sons would even ask me knowing it would likely push mom over the edge and encourage yet another letter to our local editor and newspapers.
That’s the best defense I have – the letter threats
Works EVERY time!
These co-ed sleepovers CAN work, providing they have the needed adults, supervision, etc.
My son (then 6th grade) had a co-ed sleepover for Student Council last year. I made sure to ask plenty of questions before hand, and I was even invited to stay, if I wanted. I choose to allow him to go, and it went very well. They had 6 adults, 3 male teachers, 2 female teachers and the principal. When it was time to call it a night, the girls went to one room, the boys to another. They didn’t sleep in the same room at all. When I picked up my son, all he could talk about was how fun the night was, all the games they played, the activities they came up with for Student Council, etc.
So it can work, providing the adults involved help make it work. I believe that is the key. And they had rules in place, the parents of the kids going had to sign permission slips, etc. If a kid was out of line or broke a rule, they would call and we would have to come get the child immediately.
And I would let him attend another, providing I have all details, appropriate supervision is there, and the rules are set in place for everyone.
Gina – thanks for giving us your account of the event being positive. It would still take an awful lot of convincing to get me to allow my kids to stay.
In my case, I would trust my son’s ability to make good judgements, but I don’t trust his classmates.
You all are able to talk about these things with much more authority and dignity than I can, as I don’t have kids.
But one of the things I found disturbing within the Blog Fabulous piece is that PARENTS are allowing kids to have co-ed sleepovers at their home and even in hotels!
How does that sit with you all?
You guys worry too much!!
You bet we worry too much! About the parents that don’t give a rats ass about how their kids act, what they do or who they do it with – just as long as it doesn’t disturb them.
I ran into a problem of this sort recently.
It’s not my own kids that I’m so concerned about, it’s all the others who have the lack parents who really care that may have influence on my kids at a later time that I’m so concerned about.
I have boys – we all know how THOSE hormones can be. You get some little flip that’s deficient in morals and values and I know as well as anyone, she’s going to be able to talk my sons into near anything.
That’s just me though.
So me? Worry too much? Absolutely! There’s far too many parents who haven’t got a clue as to what their kid is like because they didn’t raise them – the daycare did.
Co-ed sleepovers in my home or at a hotel? NO FREAKIN’ Way!
And before anyone says a word – YES I DO trust my kids – I don’t trust everyone else’s! And I don’t believe in tempting my kids just to see how MUCH I can trust them either.
I just put up a post on this subject over at Parenting Teens. As long as these things are with a small number of kids whose parents I am acquainted with- and well chaperoned-I have no problem. I wouldn’t even have a problem hosting one at my house with my daughter’s close circle of friends.
But with a lot of kids at the school? That’s out! As a former juvenile court services worker, I know there are too many kids out there whose parents don’t teach them the proper respect for others.
First of all, I don’t see anything wrong with having a “Lock In” at the middle school. Sure they picked a poor choice of words by calling the event a “Co-ed Sleep Over” but that really isn’t what it’s all about. Lock-Ins are usually approved by the school board and strictly monitored with tons of chaperones. I don’t know of one single kid who is actually going to sleep, do you?
What’s going to happen is they will probably open up the Gym and their will be pop corn, movies, basketball, and all sorts of things to keep the kids busy all night long. Whoever thought the kids were actually going to sleep is putting too much thought into those words: Co-ed Sleep Over.
My daughter is a sophomore in high school and also part of our Church’s youth group. They have Lock-Ins all the time. None of the kids ever sleep. There is so much positive parent involvement in this type of fun event that there isn’t time for anybody to mess up. I know at Church if the kids do get tired the girls all go in one room and the boys go clear across to the other side of the building. And even in that situation they’ve got sleeping bags, their own quarters, and lots of chaperones watching every move they make.
Back to the all night situation – nobody sleeps at these things. When I was a high school senior we had a “lock-in” at the bowling alley on base. There were movies, music, food, bowling, and everything full of fun that you could possibly think of to keep us off the streets and celebrating our graduation. Many schools do the same type of thing for the after prom parties. Lock-Ins are actually a pretty fun way to raise money too.
It’s good to be proactive and monitor what your kids are into. If it’s such a concern I would have been the first person to volunteer to stay all night to watch over them and make sure they were all being good boys and girls. Besides.. Co-ed Sleep Overs don’t start happening until the college years anyway – do we really need to go THERE!?
If I had to pick between my child being on the streets OR at a lock-in I think I’d pick the lock-in. If I had to pick between my child going to a graduation party OR going to a lock-in I’d pick the lock in. If I had to pick between my child going to a lock-in for the prom after party at Susie’s house who’s parents are out of town – I’d pick the lock in.
I think you guys probably get where I’m at with all this now.
Here’s what I had to say