Toxic In Laws – A random soul cleansing vent
If you had a relative that you’d put on notice three different times to respect a solid boundary to stay away from you and they refused, what would you do?
For the most part, there’s no harm that’s being done other than emotional stress and when the person comes into my home, they talk smack about me and ends up making me feel so bad and depressed.
I finally got the nerve to ask the person to stay away – but they refuse.
This person has come to my front door – before leaving, slammed the door shut.
This person has come to my home and came in and while I leave the room, they stay and talk to my husband while driving me into isolation IN MY HOME!
I hate confrontation – I loathe arguments and I just want this person to STAY AWAY!
Any advise on how to get rid of and keep rid of toxic people in an entirely legal way?
I don’t want people to have control enough over me that I get sick at my stomach and nervous. I don’t want them to force me into isolation in my own home and I don’t want to be mean to get them to go away.
Are people genuinely that mean and malicious that they would get some sort of gratification out of causing so much distress in another persons life?
How sad.
Well, they are controlling you. The only thing you can control in this world is your reaction to things. Now, having said that, of course you have a right to decide who can and who cannot enter your home. But this toxic person has a big helper: your husband. Your husband needs to support you in this, or the toxic person will always have an “in.” This person is dividing and conquering quite handily. I would also suggest that this person, from the sound of it, suffers from narcissistic personality disorder. I have experience with narcissists, and trust me, you will never be able to argue them into submission. You must take control, with support from your husband, and do whatever it takes to enforce your boundaries, including if necessary a restraining order or calling the police. If your husband won’t support you (he may be enabling the narcissist), you have bigger problems than the toxic in-law.
What Asha said!
Comes into your home and acts a donkey? NOPE. I can’t say that would ever happen in this lifetime for me. I’m too crazy for all that.
Oh snap!
p.s. Good luck and please let us know how the conversation goes when you speak to your husband about it.
——————-This is NO GOOD:
***person comes into my home, they talk smack about me and ends up making me feel so bad and depressed.***
I have a feeling this is a pretty onesided perspective. Why is this person in your house? If it is an inlaw, is it to see grandchild(ren)? Is it to see his/her son? I am assuming that (from reading your blogs in the past) this in law is your MIL which lost her husband recently? What kinds of emotional stress is this person putting on you? Are you sure you are not causing any of this situation to be TOXIC?
There are ALWAYS 2 sides to every story and from past experience, I would not always believe the only side you hear. It takes 2 to tango meaning whatever distress this person is causing you, you must be doing something too.
Also another questino from a previous blog of yours…you have 3 children? It seems that there is only positive information re: 2 of them while there is always negative re: the other child…is that child a troublemaker? Why do you always suggest that he/she instigates everything? A lot of what I have read has lead me to believe that you have problems with this child and it does not or has not ever mattered what this child does. How does the other parent in the house feel about this?
Yes, there are two sides – I couldn’t agree more. However, I’m trying hard to keep my side in MY OWN home and not go around the MIL. I’m not saying my side is the right side, I’m saying I just want this conflict to end – period!
I have encouraged my husband and his son to go visit his mother – as often as he likes. I urge him to answer his cell whenever she calls, he chooses not to all times.
*I* own this home and whereas she had rights to the home we lived in before, or so she thought, because I was buying it on contract from them – she doesn’t have ANY say in this house. I bought this house just to get that amount of freedom.
I just want to be left alone – period. I’m not asking for anyone to believe my side or her side, just to respect the boundaries that I am requesting be respected. Why is that too much to ask?
It would be sad to have to get the police involved simply because someone can’t respect a request to stay away and I’m afraid that is what it’s going to end up being because one way or the other, I will get the privacy and respect I deserve in my home!
The other parent in this house has supported me in my decision – he says it’s entirely my right. As for the troublemaker issue – the other two had the same problems quite often when they would go visit their other parent – but since they don’t go anymore – it’s not a problem whereas the third still experiences those difficult exchanges with the other parent and grandparents. It’s just something that has to be worked through.
It’s confusing times for kids – especially when they are put in the middle so often or privy to conflicts and conversations that should remain between adults, period.