Transitioning between work time and family time
Before I had children, I never understood why my co-worker had her children in daycare close to their home rather than close to work.
Now, I know there are several reasons to do that, but, the one she cited to me was that she used the commute between work and daycare to wind down before picking up the kids. At the time, I couldn’t understand what was so relaxing about sitting in traffic, but, now sometimes I even have to turn the radio off to get in the right frame of mind to start my evening shift with the short bosses.
I thought I was doing that just for me, but, it turns out that kids notice when you have job stress, and, they want us to do that.
According to the results of a study presented at the annual meeting of the American Psychoanalytic Association, the number one thing kids want from their working parents is for them to be less stressed about work:
Interviewers asked children what would be their one wish if they could change how a father or mother’s work affected each child. More than half of parents guessed their children would wish for more parent time. Wrong answer. Most children wished their parents would be less stressed from work.
“If our parents were less tired and stressed, I think that the kids would be less tired and stressed,” said one of the children interviewed.
Sometimes, I’m bad about thinking the kids are so absorbed in their evening activities of homework, or, whatever, that they won’t notice if I’m stressed about other things, but, they do. I have been making a concerted effort to remember that my work isn’t their problem, and, they deserve me to be refreshed (or as refreshed as I can be) and ready for dinner, conversation, homework and bedtime.
Some of the things I try to do:
Minimize stopping for errands on the way home from work – While it can’t always be avoided, that is a big time suck for me, and, then I hit the door at home feeling like I’m already behind on my evening routine.
Change clothes immediately after I get home – There are times that I find myself in work clothes at midnight. I find that I can make the psychological shift to the home routine better if I am dressed for the part, even if it means walking past (with explanation) something or someone that perceives they need my attention RIGHT NOW.
Plan dinner ahead of time – OK, I admit that I’m not a good meal planner, so, planning ahead for me means deciding what to cook before I get in the door instead of while I’m standing in the kitchen at 6pm. If I hit the kitchen with no idea what’s for supper, I tend to just walk in circles, and, wonder why the kids need to eat again tonight. After all, they just had dinner last night. So, that puts me on edge a bit.
These are just a few things that help me, I’m sure there are many other things one can do to make the transition from work to home smoother, but, I’m going to work on it even more since the kids really do notice.
Dinner is the worst part for me. My kids are still at an age where they eat a big lunch at school and a light dinner– but that will end soon. Currently we feed them and hang out with them while they eat and then scavenge when they are in bed. It is bad for both the waistline and the pocketbook.
The past few weeks we have been trying a new schedule and it is working really well. I take the kids to daycare late and spend a couple of hours with them in the morning. We all take our time and I get time with them when they are cheerful. Mr. Belle picks them up about 4:30 and gets his quality time and then I come home about 6 or 6:30. I know it will end when beaux starts school, but I am really enjoying it for now.
Wow, can you tell I don’t have my own blog?
The best weeks are the ones where I’ve pre-cooked about four or five warm-up-able dinners the weekend before. I actually get TIME to do that about once every 3 or 4 months.
Slow cookers are also our best friend (but my wife gets real nervous leaving ANY appliance on all day, so I have to do it when she’s not paying attention).
Something in my psychological makeup allows me to “leave it at work” when it comes to stress. The real stress comes when i see how much homework they have.
I agree about cooking ahead of time. I usually cook 2 or 3 entree items on the weekend, (like baked chickn, pork tenderloin, spaghette sauce)and then heat them up and add a veggie during the week. This has made a HUGE difference in our evenings. No more dinner stress. It is lovely. Of course, the boy child doesn’t eat most normal food, so he ends up making a pbj later, but I try. And the girl child eats anything and likes it. They sort of cancel each other out, I guess.
Early on I had day car/and then school near home (@14 miles from work) and was always running late and always stressed about traffic. Once, I drove all the way to work, reached into the back seat for my briefcase and found a sleeping toddler still in her car seat…whoops, forgot something!
By third grade, my daughter was at school and aftercare less than a mile from my office. It was the best. If she got sick, I could be right there, if it snowed, I could get there on time. But best of all was the time we spent together without other distractions. Of course, that was one kid, I might have a different perspective with three.
I think Children are a lot more aware of our feelings than we realize. I know I need to try and be more aware of that. Great post.
Thank you for sharing this with the Carnival of Family Life.
Kids are very observant so I am not surprised that they notice our stress. I like your suggestions for winding down faster.
Here via the carnival of family life.
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This is the story of my life. I’m pretty good with planning meals ahead of time (I do Menu Plan Mondays hosted by Org Junkie) but changing out of my work clothes and not stopping for errands is tough. Tonight I gave my daughter a bath fully dressed, including my knee boots. Crazy!