Trouble Making Girl Friends?

I have definitely met a lot of girls who say “I don’t have a lot of girl friends” or ”for some reason girls don’t like me.”  I am very understanding about this issue and I think that it it is worthwhile for those who only have girl friends and those who don’t have any to think about this issue and figure out where you might fit in.

I have mentioned in some of my previous posts that, unfortunately for many of us, a first impression is very important.  It’s a natural characteristic to feel welcomed or off-put by someone during the first time that you spend together.  You will get a feel for whether they are down-to-earth or putting on a facade.  This doesn’t mean that opinions won’t change over time, but for starting a friendship getting off on the right foot sometimes goes a long way. 

It is a fact of life that many people that you encounter, male or female, are competitive.  It’s usually a subconscious reaction, but it occurs often and it can definitely be a source of tension in girl-girl relationships.  If someone has even the slightest twinge of low self-confidence then they could feel somehow threatened by something about you that is compeltely innocuous…your clothes, your salary, your boyfriend, your attractiveness, your friends, etc.  If you meet a new girl it might be easy for her to quickly size you up, feel threatened, and give you the cold shoulder.  If this happens, I don’t think you should give up on the possibility of a future friendship!  It might take a little bit of work on your part to reach out to the girl and let her know that you are in no way a threat:  you aren’t trying to steal anyone’s boyfriend and be better at anyone than anything.  You are just trying to be friends!

My biggest strategy in making new girl friends is not to be judgmental.  Don’t take offense to anyhing too quickly and accept that a lot of people aren’t open to the idea of letting someone new into their life right away.  Maybe they want you to prove yourself a little before they let you in…and that’s okay!  You haven’t had the time to get to know them yet so you don’t know what experiences they’ve gone through that make them who they are.  Just remember that some of your best friends probably have faults that you completely overlook because you love them and know them so well.  The new girl you’re hanging out with who doesn’t seem to be very friendly could actually end up being one of your closest friends if you keep trying to break through her shell.  Show her kindness and thoughtfulness and don’t over-analyze yourself.  If you are confident and secure in who you are and how you treat other people, then you can be sure that eventually she will see that and get over the subconscious aversion she might have to your friendship.

I’m not saying that everyone can be your friend, but I am saying that sometimes it takes a little work.  As you get older it’s not easy to let new people in and it might not happen as naturally as it did in college.  If you have been someone who has always had trouble making girl friends, now is the time to change your approach!  Be confident and comfortable and don’t judge anyone too soon.

Image: sxc.hu