True Colors Shining Through?
May 25, 2009 by Aly Walansky
Filed under Relationships
Generally, I interpret the relationship channel as being about those of a romantic nature…but the truth is, relationships come in all forms, and ultimately, friendships can be just as “angsty” as any other kind of entanglement.
I have a situation that I am at a total loss of what to do about.
Several years ago, I became acquainted with a friend through several other mutual ones. She’s one of those awesomely strong women – she moved cross-country on her own straight out of college, is brilliant, and when she tragically lost her husband before even hitting their 30th birthdays, she soldiered on, moving again, on her own, and setting up stakes in a new state in a new house, just her and her dogs and her bunny.
We bonded pretty quickly, and because we lived in different states, would only see each other every few months and would predominantly have frequent marathon IM sessions about everything from sex to mutual friends to work. We talked all the time, and gave each other tons of advice – tough talk and otherwise.
Several years have gone by, and this weekend, I visited her home and stayed with her for the weekend. We had an awesome time – she took me out for a belated birthday dinner, we shopped, we talked. When I mentioned having worrisome problems with my computer, and not being able to afford a new one right now, she GAVE me her old one – a laptop she used to use but had sat forgotten for the past two years since upgrading to a newer model.
The end up of this story is that today I came home, and as starting up this new computer, I noticed a folder on the desktop “aly therapy”…filled with ichat transcripts of every single conversation we had had up until the point she stopped using this computer. These transcripts were, weirdly, also saved in text and internet explorer format, as well as in a giant zip file.
I am in shock. Saving it like that makes me wonder…why? And what she really thought of me. But…this is something that happened two years ago, and since then, she’s been an awesome friend. I would have never known she did this if she hadn’t made this really generous gesture now. Should she be punished for it? Should I not say anything at all?
I don’t know what to do! Help me, fair Blisstree readers!
Image: Sxc.hu
What is wrong with saving conversations? Considering she called it “therapy”, I would think sometimes she went back through to see your advice on something to make her feel better. And the different formats… perhaps she learned new ways to save things and never deleted the old ones?
My husband saves all the conversation he has with anyone. Partly it’s to remind of things if he forgets, or some acquaintance forgets. When it comes to my electronic correspondence, it’s to go back and call me on the things I said I would do.
It’s weird that it would be there, but that she left it in so obvious a place, and gave you the computer makes me think she isn’t doing that anymore sine it isn’t at the forefront of her mind.
I would bring it up lightly, something like, “I saw our old conversations on here” and laugh, to pass it off and give her a chance to explain. Definitely be nonchalant, she is a good friend.
but the weird thing was, NO other conversations were saved – JUST mine…
I think that Aly is paranoid. Think about the issues you discussed back then … maybe she was just having hard time, found a friend in you and just wanted to re-read your advice.
This makes me wonder … bonding with you is OK, giving advice is OK … but saving these conversations and recycling her old laptop to you makes your friend a lesbian who had/has a crush on you??
Aly, I wonder if talking to you was actually “therapy” for her? I have a friend and we talk back and forth about our “issues” and it helps both of us. Maybe she is proud of being a good friend, a helpful ear and that’s part of the therapy.
Obviously she cares about you still, you just came from her house and she gave you the computer to use. I’d just delete the files and not mention them. If she remembers and brings them up someday, then you can say, oh I wondered about that…… and take it from there.
I imagine it’s an uncomfortable position to be in, but we don’t have to know and understand everything about our friends in order to be friends with them.
michelle, thank you so much – i’m going to follow your advice. even if there was some weirdness at some point…it was two years ago. it’s not who she is now.
Hello here, I just dropped by accidentally from blogcatalog
What I feel is that if you have doubts or worries you better as your friend. From the experience I know that explanation might be simple and logical and if you keep it for yourself it will eat you from inside with all the doubts and worries. I am sure it is nothing bad, but if you make sure it will calm you down