Trying Not To Embarrass the Teen
As we get older we sometimes forget how much stress a teenager can be under. Peer pressure can really limit the way a teen functions in the world. As adults we start caring less about what other people think and more about what makes us happy. But as a teenager it’s ALL about what other people think.
About a week ago a good friend of mine was telling me about her niece, Kayla. Kayla is in middle school and smack dab in the middle of wanting to still be a child who plays with dolls and cuddles with her mom and being an independent woman who doesn’t need some adult telling her what to do.
As a birthday surprise my friend got tickets for the two of them to see High School Musical 3 on opening night. Kayla had been a big fan of the first two movies and my friend thought this would be a great birthday gift.
Opening night came and my friend and her niece were standing in a very long line waiting to get to the counter for their tickets. Directly behind them were a couple of older girls from Kayla’s school. The older girls were saying things like “look at all these dorks standing in line for High School Musical” and “High School Musical is for babies.” Kayla was mortified.
My friend could tell Kayla was embarrassed and wanted to leave. My friend felt terrible. Here she was doing something she thought her niece would love and instead she may be causing her more embarrassment then fun.
Luckily my friend bought the tickets online so when they got to the ticket window she didn’t have to say anything. She just handed her receipt to the ticket girl and got their tickets. She could see the relief on Kayla’s face.
Turns out there were a lot of kids Kayla’s age in the theater with them. In fact a group of high school kids (both boys and girls) sat directly behind them and the girls signed loudly any time Zac Efron appeared on the screen.
When my friend and her niece were leaving Kayla said, “I love it” and all was good.
It’s hard to balance spending quality time with a teen and their embarrassment of being seen with (1) their parent and (2) doing something uncool. On one hand you just want to tell them, “Who cares what those girls think?” But on the other hand we remember what it was like to be that age too. And you do care what those girls think. You don’t want to be the girl being teased at school for being a baby.
Have you ever had an experience like this with your teen?
That story is perfect for describing both how the teens feel and how an adult should empathize with them. Probably that’s the best a parent can do….take the time to tune in to your teen’s world from their point of view. It just takes a bit of time and a little sensitivity. Nice story, Christine. :>
I LIVE to embarrass my tween.
OK, not really, but I do seem to manage to do it an awful lot. Somehow I still manage to be “cooler” than other parents. I’m not really sure how that works out, but I’m not questioning it too much.
My mom OTOH, still manages to embarrass the heck out of both of us. My sweet DD has asked if we could curb the shopping trips with her, and I have to admit that I sympathize with DD. My mom is getting out of hand, and it is NOT my mother’s age. She just doesn’t know how to behave in some social settings. And yes, I do mean behave.