Tuesday poll – how are your family and friends when you’re hurting?

Comments

1. Carolyn says:

   February 4, 2008 at 6:59 am

   I think a person’s response to another person who is in pain depends on whether they too have experienced pain. To be sympathetic, they have to know what pain is like. People who have not experienced serious pain can only be empathetic, and thus may not respond in as “caring” a way as a person who has experienced serious pain, because they really DON’T understand.

   In my case, I occassionally suffer from migraines, and while my husband is a caring person, I don’t think that he really understands the extent to which a migraine can incapacitate me.

   Reply
2. Marijke Durning, RN says:

   February 4, 2008 at 12:05 pm

   Carolyn, I think your last line says it all.

   Reply
3. gabrielle says:

   February 4, 2008 at 7:50 pm

   I chose “other” because I’m one of those folks that don’t really like to be nurtured when I am in pain. In fact, I get pretty annoyed if I feel smothered by anyone’s attention or attempts at nursing me back to health. I want a dark room, a cozy bed, time to heal and space. Maybe some hugs from hubby, but only later, after I’m feeling better.

   Is that weird?

   Reply
4. sarah says:

   March 27, 2008 at 10:01 pm

   my family are a reflection of american majority culture: they have no time or interest in anything “broken”, “sick”, disabled or not shiny-shiny-happy-happy. It is not their fault, I feel, but the influence of the culture & how they were brought up. I try my best not to take it personally, but to see that their behavior (ignoring my sickness, accusing me of making it up, blaming me for it, etc.) comes from their own deep seated fear of disease, sickness, death, etc.
   I recently learned that my grandmother was never able to say the word “cancer” nor hardly visit her very beloved child when my aunt was dying from breast cancer 20 years ago. It made me feel just a little bit better realizing that their inability to deal with anything imperfect is “their stuff”, not my fault.

   Reply
5. Marijke Durning, RN says:

   March 28, 2008 at 10:40 am

   Hi Sarah,

   I think you’re right – many people are in that mindset – but that doesn’t make it any easier to swallow, does it?

   I call it the Ostrich syndrome. If you don’t talk about it, it never happened, isn’t happening and won’t happen.

   I hope you have found other people who can give you support you need when you need it.
   Marijke

   Reply