Turning Triggers Into Therapy
September 2, 2007 by julie anna
Filed under Women's Health
Right now, I am blogging as therapy. It is a rainy, lazy Sunday in Austin, so instead of heading out for a hike with my dog I am stuck inside. Our DVR recorder was maxed out with Dog Whisperers and National Geographic Explorers, so I started going through the old recordings to delete the ones I don’t need to keep. About midway through the list I came across Secret Lives of Women: Eating Disorders. I got about 15 minutes in before coming to the computer.
Obviously, even though I am in recovery, EDs are still a big part of my life. I try to learn as much as I can and see as many different perspectives as possible. I want to help other people that are struggling by sharing resources as well as my personal story. Most of my research is done reading article, books, other sites, etc. Processing it in words rarely triggers me any more. But actually watching the bulimic go through an exercise routine nearly identical to the one I had devised, seeing the anorexic get on the scale the way I used to, carefully looking at the numbers in an attempt to weigh her own worth… today it was just too real. Suddenly I too wanted to weigh myself, I too wanted to hop on the elliptical trainer, I too wanted to let the comfort of obsession rule my day.
The urge was fleeting, and the way I am dealing with it is writing the impulse down and sharing it with you. First, because it keeps me honest and on track. Second, to tell you that recovery is not easy. It is very difficult to stop the behaviors but even more difficult to stay healthy and fight the mental battles in your head. I still slip into danger zone behavior from time to time. I haven’t purged in about 11 months, but I have gone through little phases of restriction. Triggers are all around me, every day and every night, but when I recognize them I make an attempt to either ignore or get away. Taking care of yourself is vitally important.
I’m sure that I will eventually watch that show, it’s still saved on the DVR. Today, I had to get away. And I am proud that I did, that I can.
This is excellent. One of the best ways to break out of a habit is to recognize what triggers it and STOP and do something else. It’s not easy, but you CAN do it. Thanks for the reminder.
Kristen