Ungrateful Teen
As you know, for Christmas we got our 16-year-old a bass guitar w/amp and our 14-year-old a new cell phone with a QWERTY keyboard. They are both thrilled with their gifts. Or at least they were.
A few days after Christmas the teen made a crack about how I spent so much more money on his brother’s guitar.
“Why do you think that?” I asked.
“Because that guitar was probably like $500 or something.” Clearly he needs to do a little price checking because the guitar was far, far, far from $500, but I let it drop.
Then a few days later my friend (whose son is good friends with my son) told me he was complaining to her about how unfair it was that his brother got a super expensive guitar and we didn’t spend nearly as much on him.
I was ticked. When did I raise such an ungrateful kid?
Truth be told I actually spent $100 more on the stupid phone than I did on the guitar. We are still in the middle of our contract with the cell phone company so I had to pay full price for the phone. I spent way more on it then I normally would, but I felt guilty because I think my husband accidentally lost the teen’s old phone (although hubs denies this).
And I know he loves the phone. He’s been begging for a QWERTY phone for over a year. I kept telling him he would need to get a job to buy one if he really wanted one. And I meant it, until we lost his old phone. If he had lost it I would have told him he should have kept better track of his things. But since we lost it I felt like we should replace it. And I replaced it with a much nicer phone then what he used to have.
But he’s hung up on this money issue. And being fair. I’m about to lose my mind.
I could tell him exactly how much I spent on him and how much I spent on his brother. Then he would know his brother is the one that actually got the raw end of the deal. But it would also be giving in to this little ungrateful temper tantrum. Gift giving is supposed to be about appreciation and love. It’s not about the toys and the money. Clearly I went wrong somewhere while raising this kid.
Instead of giving in to his selfishness I told him he should be happy he didn’t get a lump of coal and I would be more than happy to return the phone if he thinks he got shafted. I may have even given him my angry face and said, “end of discussion.” He’s decided to keep the phone.
Now excuse me while I scour the internet in search of ways to teach ungrateful teens to appreciate all they have.
Oh Christine,
I feel your pain. I grew up in a household where my parents spent the same amount on Christmas gifts for me and my 2 sisters…to the penny. And, my mother made sure we knew it! I had the fairness gene so ingrained in me that when I was in college and wanted my parents to pay for something (I can’t remember what), I pulled out the fairness card and declared, “You should buy it for me because you are paying more for college for Jane (not her real name) than you are for me.” While my mother didn’t tell me the exact numbers, she made it very clear that that wasn’t the case, that in fact, my tuition was more. Now, as a parent of 2 boys, I am overly concerned about ‘being fair’. This year, it seemed to me that one of my sons was ‘making out better than the other.’ I obsessed about it. My husband, who, as one of 8 kids, didn’t get much for Christmas reminded me that they were getting the things they asked for and they’d probabaly be just fine! So, I went with that, but I continued to worry that my youngest would notice the difference and say something. Turns out, he didn’t. Whew. Much ado about nothing. But, to encourage his behavior, I said to him many times in the days following Christmas, “You know, I just love how grateful you are for the gifts you got for Christmas. It makes me happy to know that you are appreciative.” Every chance I get, I encourage appreciation with both of my kids. And, when I think they are being unappreciative or materialistic, I very directly point that out.
When it gets particularly snarly, I ask them, “Why does that matter to you?” “What do you think it means that it isn’t always fair?” I don’t always get an answer but I think it makes them pause and think about it. And I’m hopeful, that over time, they’ll ‘get it’.
This was SOOO my son this year. His father and I are divorced so he really has two Christmases.
My son is twelve and he’s a very talented musician. He asked for a Gretsch guitar and his dad got him one. I got him a used{gasp} fine MacBook and he proceeded with the questioning. “i’m so glad you didn’t really spend that much on me. I mean it IS used. Dad was so nice to spend that much”.
I was furious. Not furious because I thought I was outdone but the ungrateful attitude. It just completely destroyed my Christmas. I vow that no matter how hard it is NOT to give, I will NOT lavish him with gifts this year. He needs a little reality check.
I don’t think there’s much we can do about ungrateful teens… I think it’s just a part of growing up, but I know how you feel. It’s annoying and just plain disrespectful, and mine isn’t even officially a teen for 3 more months! I had a talk with her the other day about how nothing seems to be good enough for her, and said “It’s like you giving me a present and me saying ‘I like it, but it’s not what I REALLY wanted.’” That really seemed to get through to her. I could tell she felt bad and she seemed to make more of an effort to be grateful after that. But all in all, I think they just all go through a phase of thinking they are entitled to everything, and while we shouldn’t let them get away with giving us a bad attitude, for the most part all we can do is wait for them to grow out of it.
Did you find any sites on teaching to be grateful because my teenage boys could use a dose of it too? They weren’t so bad at Christmas although the sullen looks on their faces made me suspicious – they assured me there were ok with what they got. Where my boys are most ungrateful is the stuff I do for the on a daily basis. They don’t give it a second thought the sacrifices I make for them and the things I go out of my way to do for them. I wouldn’t never rub it their faces but it would be nice if they noticed all on their own and appreciated it. All I’ve really done is make them think I’ll definitely do it every time because…well, I do it every time.
I’m a single mother of 2 teenage girls. They haven’t seen or heard from their dad in over 8 years. Of course, no child support (I know, I picked a real winner!). I break my back to make sure they have everything their friends do. I try so hard. I don’t date because I wanted my girls to have a stable home without “mom’s boyfriend” issues. I figuered, when they’re 18, it will be time for me again. Anyway, I just had gallbladder surgery 2 days ago. I’m still in quite a bit of pain. I asked my daughter to get me a glass of soda. She replied, “can’t “Jane” do it? I’ve already gotten you something 3X today”.
I couldn’t believe my ears. I was never so hurt. I just burst into tears. They know where to go for movie money, clothes, shoes, cell phones, computers, a shoulder to cry on, etc. I’ve always put them first but obviously done something wrong raising them. Maybe I need to put me first for a change. Thanks for letting me vent.
My 17 yr old is on my last nerve this holiday season and I don’t know what to do. I understand that teenagers are by nature very self involved but she is taking the cake. It started with the usual holiday plans (who’s house on what days) and my husband and I were trying to figure out the best way to do this so she (being the oldest of 3) would not have a horrible time for the 3 days of running around. When she later asked if we would have to stay anyone place to long after the gifts were exchanged. My response was we will stay as long as we are welcome we are there to visit not just for the gifts she responded with do I have to go. Later on I asked her if she had saved any of her money to go Christmas shopping not telling her that we were going to give her a little extra to make sure she had enough. she has 2 young cousins and 2 younger siblings. She informed me that she was taking her money to buy herself something and she could just draw them a picture then had the nerve to ask me for money so she could but some of her friends a xmas gift. She has made sure to give me her list of wants but to be honest I have no desire to get her anything at this time. She was also the only one in the family not to give to the Christmas baskets which we all do every year.
I am seriously considering coal at this time
any ideas or advise are very welcome