USA Today:Conflict is Handled Differently in Long Term Marriages

Does the way you handle conflict depend more on who you are or how long you have been married or both?

USA Today has this post about conflict in marriage.  According to  Maggie Scarf, 77, author of a new book September Songs: The Good News About Marriage in the Later Years, conflicts in marriage are less likely to be a problem when you have been married a long time.

She should know, she has been married to her husband for fifty five years. She says that there is a U curve in marriage.  Contentment is at its highest in the first few years, drops as people experience stress and conflict and then climbs back up as the nest starts to empty and lives settle down.

I think this has been true for Marc and I.  We have never been the kind of couple to scream and throw things.  Uh…He has never been the kind of guy to scream and throw things…. but we have had  our issues certainly.  I think that now it is more likely to be a matter of:

“Hey, this is how I feel”

“Wow, sorry I did  not mean it that way.”

“Are you going ahead with it?”

“Yeah, sorry”

“::sigh:: o.k….whatever”

That is about it. Oh and as far as empty nest? HA! We have 6 still home and the youngest is 5 years old.

The thing is that all that drama just takes too much energy now.  And let’s be realistic folks, when I was 22 I could have left Marc and found a replacement within a few minutes.  He could have left me and found a replacement within a few minutes…but now?

There are so many men standing in line to date a middle aged woman with 6 kids, right?  And the same number of women are standing in line to date a middle aged man with health issues.

See, we have to work it out…We are stuck with eachother.

In the movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, there is one part at the beginning where an older man gets disgusted and says “AWWWW..Youth is wasted on the young!”

You know, that is pretty profound.  Some of those arguments and issues that seem so important at 23 or 24 are so silly at…umm…a older age.  If young marrieds would spend more time making out on the couch and less time worrying about whose turn it is to take out the trash marriages would last longer…

The house would stink…but the marriage would definitely be sweet.

So, you? Which season of marriage are you in early, middle, or late? Are you handling conflict differently than you used to?

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