What Do You Expect When You’re Expecting?
July 30, 2008 by Kristina Chew, PhD
Filed under Health
A friend talks about having a baby.
I think of all the things pregnant women are told to do, and told not to do, and all the advice and information out there about pregnancy, babies, and parenting in general.
Not to mention having to sift through too much stuff about topics like vaccines and autism and hearing what celebrities have to say, and then about treatments like chelation? On a young child? What is this all about?
I tell my friend, how much I enjoyed expecting Charlie: I did. I hadn’t been sure what I would think, but it was a lovely feeling when there was a movement inside of me, and I knew it was a kick from Charlie’s then-little foot.
Yes, it’s been an unexpected journey but I’d do it all again.
The only thing I would tell the expecting is to try to stay away from Fluoridated water in any form . In that means not even cooking with it.
What do I expect when expecting (as I am now)? I expect people to try to make me fear everything including the blood flowing through my own veins for the sake of my baby. I stopped reading baby books and parenting magazines a long time ago and I’ve never sought out those online parenting communities. So much of that stuff is designed to scare parents, mothers in particular, into buying products and acting a certain way to ensure that they have the “perfect” kid.
So what do I tell moms, if they ask, pay attention and enjoy your kid(s).
AFTER READING MANY OPINIONS I SEE THAT PEOPLE WILL BLAME ANY AND EVERY THING ON THE CAUSE FOR AUTISM ,AND KNOW ONE EVER ASKS THE CDC WHY THAT THEY ALLOWED OR TOLD THE PWS TO ADD MAN MADE FLORIDE [ LEAD AND ARSENIC] TO THE WATER. WE KNOW THAT LEAD IS BAD FOR THE BRAIN AND THE ARENIC IS VERY BAD FOR THE STOMACH AND WILL MAKE YOU SICK IN MALL DOSES.
I felt it rather….poignant…..????…… that students have said to me (when I talked about autism, vaccines, all the theories of causes): Is there anything you can do to completely 100% be assured that you can have a completely healthy baby?
Funny, I consider both my boys to be very healthy active little guys 100%. The autism doesn’t change that.
Four days and counting till baby # 3, we are having a csect, I have ginormous babies. L was 10lb 9oz and 23 in.
People ask if I am worried about having a third with autism and I say no, am actually more concerned with what to do if I have one without it!!! Life with autistic kids is what I know, even before the diagnosis I knew L was different, well before a year in age. K was just like his big bro. They both got diagnosed at the same time, first time for our ped neuro. He asked if I had any questions, I guess most parents do, but I didn’t really, the label didn’t change anything, it just explained a lot of things we knew were different about our boys. But what do I do with a “typical” kid. What if she eventually surpasses her big bros in school? Sib rivalry? L and K don’t see yet that other kids don’t understand them, but their peers deffinitely know L and K are not like them. I have already had to try and explain to 3 yrs olds why L is acting differently.
Frankly, life with a kid without autism scares me more right now.
Then again life with 3 kids under the age of 4 is a bit terrifying too.
Oh yeah, and 3 in diapers at the same time.
Is there anything you can do to completely 100% be assured that you can have a completely healthy baby?
How did you answer this question, Kristina?
I was constantly asked this, of course, because of my profession. There are no absolute guarantees in life. Life is about the journey, not perfection.
PS. When I was pregnant with my younger son, we knew we had a chance of autism in another child, quoted to us as about 25% risk and another 60% chance of other disabilities, including speech disorders, motor disorders, ADHD, etc that were seen in the siblings study at LADDERS/Mass Gen. It didn’t bother me at all, I never worried about it. I enjoyed my youngest, entered him into the sibs study so we could catch a delay early and start therapy, which we did with speech.
And I’d do it all over again now if I could!
“Is there anything you can do to completely 100% be assured that you can have a completely healthy baby?”
Knowing how often children are born healthy may be a miracle in itself.
Or, let’s consider this another way. Are we prepared to abort away every possible abnormality until we have a “more perfect” child?
Consider that the abortion rates of Down Sydrome babies is approaching 90% in the US thanks to genetic testing. When/if there is a genetic test for autism, will parents go down the same road?
Would you abort your child with autism?
No.
Of course not; nor would I have aborted our two year old. But, our society may be headed in that direction, and I might suggest that potential mothers and fathers must be educated about the impropriety of such a choice.