When Alzheimer’s Caregiving Seems Overwhelming
September 14, 2008 by Mary Emma Allen
Filed under Diseases & Conditions
Your Alzheimer’s patient has been restless all day…and into the night. You’re tired and feel overwhelmed. You wonder why you’re the one to whom the care of your family member has fallen.
I think it was the tiredness that got to me most because I never slept a whole night through while Mother lived with us. A friend had warned me, when I found I needed to move Mother to our home, that the sleeplessness would be one of the most difficult aspects.
I realized it wasn’t the same as caring for a baby who woke during the night. The baby might cry but wouldn’t get out of the crib and wander. Mother might wander and attempt to leave the house. She might turn on a stove, so we took all the knobs off every night. She often raided the refrigerator and placed the food on the floor for her cat if I didn’t get up to see what she was doing.
Mother might decide it was morning, so would attempt to take a bath and fix her hair. I stopped telling her if we were going somewhere the next day because she’d be up at 2 AM getting ready. Time lost all meaning for her.
- I found relief in crafts and quilting that Mother could participate in or sit and watch and reminisce. That seemed to keep her occupied.
- I did scrapbooking and we talked about the photos and memories.
- I took her for rides, but couldn’t stop at the grocery or do other errands because it was too difficult to take Mother inside with me.
- I found a local nursing home that had daycare and left Mother there when I had to substitute teach or do errands.
- I had a neighbor who came to chat with me and often stayed with Mother while I did errands. She supervised the care for her aunt, so understood the trials of Alzheimer’s.
If these things sound familiar, what do you do? What can you do? Share with us.
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(c)2008 Mary Emma Allen
Hi Mary Emma,
A few months ago I became a caregiver for my 81 year old god-sister who has mild dementia. The good and bad thing is that she has limited mobility so she is not mobile without her walker and then she can’t go far. But I have a friend whose mother also has mild dementia and when she takes her turn at caring for her mother, she is up all night long.
We have had many conversations about what she and her sisters can do because they get no rest at all when the care for their mother. It is very frustrating for them and they have not yet come up with an answer.
Hi Valerie,
Thanks for visiting Alzheimer’s Notes and sharing your experience and your friend’s. Having parents/spouse/patients who wander during the night is one of the most frustrating and tiring aspects of caregiving, I found. I’m going write a post about this and see if any of our readers have ideas to share.