When Being Perfect Isn’t Good Enough
December 6, 2008 by Marye Audet
Filed under Relationships
I have, on more than one occasion, been accused of being a perfectionist. I always chuckle a little at that because my mom told me once that I was certainly not a perfectionist, or I would do things better. (ie:not screw up so much). I spent much of my teen years learning how to be perfect…or, like Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way.
Every time I was teased, criticized or passed up for a date I analyzed it, added the information to the program, and rebooted.
By the time Marc and I got married I thought I had it figured out, and when I was in my 30s I definitely had it figured out. Clean house, well behaved kids, not overweight, wears make-up…check
Sews, grinds wheat to make bread, doesn’t cuss…check
Doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, incredible in bed….check
Homeschools, homebirths, involved in church activities…check
Last night I listened to my oldest daughter relate what an imperfect mom I was… it wasn’t malicious..she thought she was being funny.
I have been totally unable to lose the extra 20 lbs I picked up with the birth of Kyrie, five years ago. Since we moved into this house I have been unable to get organized enough to keep it clean, and with the writing that I do I rarely get a chance to make bread let alone grind wheat…Maybe once or twice a month.
Today I realized I felt the way I did in boot camp. Totally unsure how I got here, why, or where I am going…Not sure which of my talents and abilities to use to survive. For someone who is used to surviving and thriving by taking cues from the world and people around her, I ….am…..screwed.
If being perfect wasn’t good enough what do I do now?
I was always led to believe that when you give [enter challenge description here] your best shot you overcome. You win. You tame the beast. You ride off into the sunset. Sure, it takes persistence and hard work but that is nothing compared to the joy of knowing that you did it.
If you can work a little harder, concentrate a little more, be a little prettier, thinner, or smarter you can do anything…
Can’t you?
A few years ago there was a page that people would send in their email. It said “You have reached the end of the internet”. It was really funny.
I feel like I have reached the end of something. There is nowhere left to go. I have given “it” my best shot and failed. If perfection isn’t good enough I don’t have anything left…at least not physically or emotionally.
Spiritually I never felt the need to be perfect because you can’t be, can you…I mean that is what Christ did for us, released us from the need to be spiritually perfect.
When we realize our perfection, spiritually speaking, isn’t good enough then we fall back on Christ, who stepped in and did for us what we couldn’t do for ourselves…but in the physical realm?
If my best isn’t good enough where do I go from here?
image:morguefile
Same spot as spirtually. There isn’t anywhere else. Whether you’re looking for emotional, physical, or mental perfection, you can’t achieve it in this world.
And your best isn’t always good enough to win either. If it was, there’d have to be more than one gold medal for each event at the Olympics.
On the other hand, when our best is serving (others AND ourselves) in Christ’s strenght (not ours) and with the Lord’s guidance, then the Father sees the Son in us.
That’s how easy it is to be good enough. At anything.
And it’s really hard, too. Not so much the doing of it, but accepting the idea that we just have to live in the same grace that saved us.
Not easy at all. Until you get out of the way and let God take care of that part too.
>G>
Dhave
Well, you asked . . .
I live with an engineer brain, Dhave…seriously..
Keith Green had a song that I think applies here. It said, “just keep doing your best and pray that it’s blessed and He’ll take care of the rest.” I may only have a widow’s mite to offer, but with God’s blessing it is enough.
Ahh. Dhave got here first with the answer.
It’s the same thing. Maybe even more painful than coming to that realization spiritually. Because we’re SUPPOSED to be able to do it in the physical, right? Not. I have been where you are. Fairly recently too. It hurts. I didn’t like it. I still don’t like it, in the moments it crops up still. But the same Jesus that died to take care of it spiritually (the only “perfect” one out there, by the way) is the same one to turn to when everything physical can’t be done.
I used to think the most complicated time in my life was when DH was traveling, my son had asthma and my new daughter had colic. I was severly sleep deprived, and remember sitting on the bathroom floor one night, holding a screaming baby while my son coughed until he threw up, thinking, “oh my gosh, it’ll be better when they’re older”. Now my son has gone Home, my eldest daughter is 19, I have 16 and 11 year old daughters as well, and I wish life was as simple as sitting on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night with two sick kids.
I, too, baked my own bread, made my own noodles, canned a winters worth of food from my own garden, made my own cough medicine, home schooled, taught Bible study, raised the families meat and milk(sheep, goats, pigs, cows and chickens) I’m pretty sure I had it all down.
Then I got Lyme. Perfection in the physical? Are you kidding? I was lucky to make two meals a day and (maybe) keep up with laundry.
I realized I was only human. BUT still thought I had it all together in the Mom area. The past couple of years, I’m realizing, that while I didn’t repeat the mistakes of my parents, I made a whole new set, and my kids are just as confused as I was. Ugh. Yep. Definately mortal. And only Jesus can cover it, spruce it up, make it pretty, fix it. I can’t.
I, think, perhaps, you are realizing that you are mortal. . . (smile) sucks, doesn’t it? ((hugs))
I really am sorry you’re struggling right now. I and I am praying for you. Wish I “knew” you in person, and we could sit down with latte’s and talk.
>>>I, too, baked my own bread, made my own noodles, canned a winters worth of food from my own garden, made my own cough medicine, home schooled, taught Bible study, raised the families meat and milk(sheep, goats, pigs, cows and chickens) I’m pretty sure I had it all down.<<G>
Dhave
HOLY CHRISTMAS!! There’s TWO of them!!
>G>
Dhave
HA..very funny Dhave…umm..go jump in the lake?
I think this is a metamorphosis of sorts…I agree…just feeling a little insecure on where it is going.. Generally metamorphosis and I are not a good combo..you never know what is going to jump out of the hat…
Don’t worry so much about wha’t going to jump out of the hat. Try to focus on Who’s holding it instead.