When He Moves On and Treats Her Better

I’m a huge fan of Bonnie Hunt and her new show. Bonnie and her mom, Alice come up with some of the greatest things to say. Often, it hits a nerve with me (in a good way). This morning she was talking about divorces and breakups and Bonnie said, “If someone misuses you, don’t take it personally, just know that it says a lot more about them, than it does about you.”

I think this is important, for lots of reasons. In my own life, I’ve been made keenly aware that my ex is treating his new girlfriend far better than he treated me. I like to think that it’s because he hurt me so much, and knows it, that maybe this girl will be spared. You know, that I suffered for her joy? It’s twisted, I know… because most women in my shoes might feel that it’s unfair, or that neither the ex or the new girl deserve to be happy. While I can’t say that those feelings haven’t crossed my heart, I also like to think that everyone deserves at least a chance at happiness. Whether they take it or not, or deserve it or not, depends on what they may or may not do with that chance should it come their way.

Sure, the way he treated me was undeserved, and it truly does say a lot about his capabilities for being unkind, regardless if he’s currently being unkind or not. Personally, I could never be so hurtful to another human being. So what Bonnie said is right – it’s a thread of his personality that isn’t in place in mine. I feel good knowing that. And if I sit here and let my mind go crazy with thoughts of “Why her, and not me?” then I might as well just pack it up and call it a day because no one, not even he, can explain the answer to that question with any ounce of clarity.

I know that I could sit here and be bitter, I could beat myself up for being too good to him (especially when he didn’t deserve it), for allowing him to do the damage he did to me. Or I can decide that all the bad stuff was only because of my failure to want to see the bad in anyone. I really do believe that there are people out there who are inherently kind to others, and that someday my prince will come. Meanwhile, I’m going to keep working on being the fabulous woman that I am.

In light of yesterday’s holiday of thanks, be thankful for who you are, for the experiences that have both changed you and kept you solid, and for each time you’re reminded that it’s not your fault things went wrong.

(image: Lara @ Dating Dames)