When the Blended Family Breaks
It’s been five years since I became the step-mother character in my own blended family reality series having been familiar with and playing only the mother role in life. During that time I have endured some of the most complicated, frustrating challenges I’ve ever known.
Having been raised in a split family that was often referred to as overly functional – I have a difficult time grasping any concept that doesn’t offer a unique respect to the blended family itself. And find it very difficult to offer respect to any one person who doesn’t attempt to offer that unique respect that blended families need.
When two people make the decision to blend a family and each partner has children from a previous marriage, the last thing that family is going to need is a controlling parent/grandparent sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong and where it wasn’t requested – much less one who is sneaky and finds ways to control every possible situation they can even if it means using the children to accomplish their goal.
I won’t say I’ve been without fault – I’m sure my obsessive compulsive, work-a-holic tendencies are not so easy to live with, but for someone who appreciates order, structure and stability, having someone thrown in the mix who lacks that respect has essentially injected a lethal dose of chaos that has left me feeling broken to a point that I feel deep down is truly irreversible.
I’m not sure how my blended family would adjust to life without the negative influence and at this point, I’m not sure that’s even an option. I don’t feel it’s my place to tell my husband that he must choose between his family and his wife and hers. I think that’s a decision that should be made without suggestion.
With less than two weeks left until I move to my home – the home where no one can threaten to put me and my kids on the streets – the home where I will NEVER again hear, pack your kids and your sh*t and get the F out – a home where I can great negative forces at the door and politely inform them that I no longer have room in my life for their influence and ask them to leave – I feel as though I’m looking in the face of a whole new freedom.
One of the biggest worries I’ve had over the last several months was that the last few years of my kids “childhood” were going to spent in turmoil – not anymore.
At the moment it would appear that divorce is going to be my next big challenge, but after what I’ve been through the last couple of years – I don’t fear a thing. In fact, it’s appearing to be the oasis in the dry desolate life I’ve been stumbling through.
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Are you announcing your divorce? I’m so sorry. Maybe take a marriage education course. Dude, that totally sucks.
I hope the next two weeks go smoothly for you. I’m sorry to read about all the turmoil.
Yeah, that was one too many get the fu*k out of my house stories for me to even read. That’s just WRONG on so many levels.
Praying for you always Gayla..I know how hard this is but also how exciting.
@ Tracee – not really announcing it, just preparing for the possibility. There’s been so much happen from so many angles, I’m not sure I could ever forget – forgiving is easy -forgetting, impossible.
@ Tanyetta – it’s very tough even when you know the person is saying it and not meaning it – mostly because they are striking at what hurts – but after so many times of hearing it, it really starts to resonate.
@ Marye – you’ve been such a rock through all my hard times this year. You are an angel – I adore you! But yes, scary/exciting all mixed into one.
When you announced the purchase of a house, I was wondering if you were getting divorced. Your hubby has a lot of nerve bringing up the whole his house thing, especially since you’re the one making the money. I hate to hear of your turmoil. I hope everything goes well for you!
Gayla I’m so sorry to read about all of this…
Emotional abuse is never okay – whether he means what he says or not. And even if you can be okay with it, you have to ask yourself, what is that teaching your boys? After going through two relationships with men whose fathers treated their mothers like crap, I am 100% positive that boys learn how to treat women from their fathers, or a male influence in their lives. And if your husband is treating you that way, your boys will pick up on it and repeat the same behavior.
You’re right, you shouldn’t have to make the demand that your husband choose you over someone interfering. I’m sorry that it’s even a question for him, I’m sure that’s painful for you.
I wish the best for you, it will be so FREEING to have your own place. I’ve just begun my journey as a single mother, and I can’t imagine the feeling of having my own place. Congratulations on that, and good luck with everything else.
I hope everything works out the best for you Gayla. It must be hard but you can do it.
Oh, Gayla. I’m so sorry. This sounds like a very toxic situation and I’m glad you are making steps to get out of it. Whatever happens going forward, I am praying for you.
Gayla,
I’m sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time, but I’m glad you have the big move to look forward to. I know you are probably biting your tongue a lot to keep the peace as much as possible. It might help to write all the stuff you want to say down in a really long, no holds barred letter and then burn it.
I am a mother of 4 awesome daughters – all inherited from my now ex husband. After 15 years of divorce I am still close to them all and I am gramma in every sense of the word as well. I couldnt dream of my life without these kids and grandkids.
It is damn hard being a step anything and whooo boy the fights I could talk about with my girls – wow – but we got past them all and I couldnt be prouder of them all or love them anymore than I do and they know it too.