When “You’re Disgusting” Is Easier to Say Than “You’re Beautiful”
October 2, 2008 by angelique
Filed under Women's Health
I believe in the power of the mind, and I am convinced that if you work hard at it, you can completely conquer an eating disorder. It might take a lifetime, but I’ve seen it done.
However, doing so involves being able to affirm oneself, and that’s something that I find terribly difficult. It’s easy for me to automatically chastise myself for even the smallest faux pas: “You’re so stupid, Angelique!” But it’s damn tough for me to congratulate myself: “Way to go! You did a good job!”
I’ve begun to wonder what it would be like if I could as easily affirm myself as I do put myself down. Would that increase the distance between myself and ana? Would it rid me of her nagging voice for good?
What if I didn’t spend every waking hour thinking that I should be doing more, working more, going to the gym more, being a better friend, being a better mommy, being a better wife, being a better freelancer…? What if I just allowed myself to fail sometimes but still celebrate my intrinsic worth?
I suppose it boils down to many factors, including my upbringing. I’m without brothers and sisters, a typical only child overachiever. Nothing is good enough for me, and I’m expected to be the best… all the time. My parents never specifically told me that, but I always felt that failure (or at least mediocrity) wasn’t an option.
Today, I don’t live with my mother and father, and my husband is super supportive… yet I can’t seem to rid myself of the negative thoughts that nag. I wish I could include daily affirmations into my routine, but it’s something I’ve struggled with for years.
How about you? Is it tough to love yourself and just be happy with who you are, right now, instead of berating yourself for not being who you think you should be?
Angelique,
You bring up a great point. I’ve thought about this long on hard before, what would it be like if instantly all the negative thoughts I had were changed into positive.
Instead of saying “this isn’t gonna work” saying “there is gotta be a way to make it work” or instead of saying “i stink at this”, saying “life is a learning experience and i’m making progress”.
What I ended up discovering was that it’s a really scary thought. Our negativity is a very safe comfort zone for us to stick in.
When we are negative we can come up with all the excuses to live a lame life and not pursue our real dreams and desires.
Why would we want to avoid our dreams and desires? Because usually they require us to get outside our comfort zone and that’s tough.
It actually took me a while to finally decide to build my blog on binge eating recovery because I always was too scared about publicly announcing my binge eating issues on the internet for anyone to see.
It was a stupid fear and now that I have done it, nothing bad came of it. In face many of my readers say they relate to what I’d consider my most embarrassing stories.
However before I was comfortable telling myself “no people wont find a blog on binge eating helpful” or “oh there are more than enough resources online and therapists and so on”, all the negative voices kept me lazy and comfortable.
Andrew Bolis
http://HowToStopEating.com