Why Do Men Cheat?
September 11, 2008 by Tracee Sioux
Filed under Parenting
Why do men cheat?
I don’t know why they DO cheat, but I seriously doubt its because his wife doesn’t do it enough or make life exciting enough for him.
I’ll bet you anything M. Gary Nueman, comes on Oprah and tells us that there is something going on in the MEN, not necessarily the marriage, that makes them cheat.
Download Neuman’s book on Oprah for FREE until Friday at 7PM Pacific.
Watch the show today with me. We can chat back and forth in the comments!
Hm, interesting question. I wonder whether men cheat that much more than women, or is it that they just get caught more often?
I don’t think there is any one specific reason why men cheat, but I do believe the reasons for men and women are different. I’m not an expert but I do know that cheating or HOW cheating is done and viewed varies from culture to culture. I come from a caribbean island with a very strong Latin influence and cheating there is perfectly normal, almost expected from men. It’s not strange for the wife and mistress even to become “friends” and share child-raising duties (picking up the kids from school, after-school lessons etc).
I think for these men it’s very much an ego thing maybe? “The more women the more Man I am” the thinking goes.
I couldn’t watch it b/c it was preempted by news coverage due to the hurricane. I had set the dvr to tape it, naturally.
I think women cheat as much as men. Anyway, let me know what they said!
Statistically it’s the partner not cheating that puts all the time and effort and energy into the relationship. So blaming it on the non cheating partner is particularly unfair.
Stats from the show:
- 1/3 of all men cheat!
- 7% tell the truth about it.
- #1 reason they cheat – Loneliness.
- 88% say they do it with an equally or less. pretty or fit woman than their wife.
- #1 sex complaint with wife – frequency.
- why do they choose the woman they cheat with? She strokes his ego and makes him feel good about himself, makes him feel like a “winner.”
- It’s almost always someone at work.
Signs he is cheating or about to cheat:
- More time away from home.
- Initiates sex less frequently.
- talks about female coworker a lot.
My hubby shows all of those signs, but I think he just likes to be friends with women. I tease him about having a work-wife. I feel somehow immune to this issue. Maybe that’s stupid but I think my husband suffers from Christian Sex Guilt and strongly identifies himself with his moral character. I just don’t fear this at all.
Oprah found the book very insightful about Men’s emotional needs. I downloaded it.
Did you?
Oh and he blatantly recommended spying – checking cell phone records, reading his email, putting a GPS magnet on his car, using a lie detector test if you suspect.
“The trouble is men lie so much you can never trust if they are telling you the truth,” he said.
Men say that’s why they cheat. #1 reason they cheat-loneliness? That would be a huge surprise to the faithful wives waiting at home for them to come home and be with them. Women who are being cheated on, physically or emotionally, jump thru hoops trying to be marvelous for their man so that he will love them, want them, be happy, etc. The truth is, deciding to be with who you committed to, or someone else, is a choice. And using loneliness as an excuse is just that, an excuse, not a reason.
I need the book ” why do men cheat” I totally forgot about it.
Carol – I, and Oprah, had this same reaction.
They’re lonely? This guy who’s wife is asking him to movies and taking him to dinner and begging for any attention at all – but he’s not into it? And then they say “We cheat cause we’re Lonely?”
I think Nueman’s point, if I understand it correctly, is that wives are asking for what we need not giving men what they need. They need something weird and mysterious that I don’t quite understand to cure their own brand of loneliness.
Or we’ve raised men to be so emotionally retarded that they need more affection and then feel like a woose for asking for it or giving it. A real argument for giving boys a doll and encouraging affection and nurturing behaviors. Seriously.
Yeah, I think they’re lonely because they choose not to interact with the wife because there’s issues there, or she’s needing something from him in return for what she’s giving. A fling makes them feel powerful, wanted (with out conditions), it makes them feel like their old selves. I think.
I think they’re longing to have a conversation without thousands of hidden meanings and strings – they’re longing to have sex and it not have to mean anything – a fling is simple, and it doesn’t require much from them emotionally – a wife does.
But I think that theory only applies to a fraction of the cheaters – the other kind of cheaters are constantly in need of that exciting challenge..in this case, I don’t think there’s anything the wife can do besides sign divorce papers.
Hi Tracee,
I truly believe that most men simply cheat because of fear of committment. It truly takes a real man to love and be sold out to one woman.Men have used many excuses over the years for why they cheat. I speak to men and women at conferences and when I get the men alone,a great number of them tell me they are afraid of getting hurt. That is why they are afraid to commit to one woman. It is time that men start to “man up’ and receive all the blessings associated with being with one woman.Most of all ladies,stay encouraged and HOLD MEN ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS.
Sanford Ashley
“The Men’s Coach”
http://www.sanfordashleysuccess.com
I just experienced the cheat – New to me, but saw earlier signs. I guess, I want to hear or know from the women they cheat with that know this person has a mate. Is it they want him for their mate or is it a thrill for them as well? Are they (the woman) that callous?