Why do parents ignore eating disorders?
September 11, 2008 by angelique
Filed under Women's Health
This is a post I’ve considered writing for a while now. It has to do with parents ignoring the warning signs and symptoms of eating disorders in their children.
I always ask myself, “Why didn’t the mom/dad know? Why didn’t she/he do anything?” See, I’ve witnessed a lot of parents turning a blind eye to anorexia, bulimia and binge eating in their kids.
I have some personal theories on the subject that I’d like to share. They aren’t definitive by any means, of course, but are only thoughts. Feel free to share yours, too.
1. They don’t understand what an eating disorder is. This is tough to accept, since it feels like “everyone” should know about EDs. But the fact is that they don’t. So if they are ignorant of anorexia and bulimia, they aren’t going to suspect them.
2. They are eating disordered themselves. I think that for some families, eating disorders and ED behaviors are hereditary. Thus, a mom who sees her daughter avoiding food may not find it that unusual since she’s doing it herself.
3. They like the results. Let’s face it; for some parents, hearing, “Wow! Your daughter is beautiful and thin! She could be a model!” probably makes their heads swell. It’s much easier to accept words like those in our society than to hear, “Your kid really needs to lose weight.”
4. They just don’t care. I hate to admit it, but I know some moms and dads don’t give two figs about their offspring. Sad, but true.
5. They are ashamed. Parents tend to think that everything their kids do reflects negatively on them. So if they admit there’s a problem, they’ll be forced to put themselves in the spotlight.
That’s all I have… how about you?
I absolutely think they are ashamed. And a bit eating disordered themselves, or used to using some unhealthy coping mechanism to deal with stress.
It’s unfortunate, because the more I have read up on the Maudsley approach, the more I think parents’ involvement at an early ago would benefit the sufferer.
I think they also may not understand the psychological side of an eating disorder, i.e. if they don’t witness behaviors, then I must be ok!
Great post. I often wonder why my parents often ignored both my sister and my eating disorders after brief interventions. Only now has my Mom started to ask questions and try to understand why I am doing this to myself.
My mom is actually a psychologist, so she definitely didn’t fit #1. I don’t think she fit any of the others either. I think she either just saw what she wanted to see, or she just didn’t know how to “treat” her own daughter like a patient.
my parents didnt know until a friend told them about my pro-ED xanga she found. My mom noticed i was losing weight, but didnt say anything until my friend confronted her. then she turned it into a “woe is me, my daughter is sick, what did i do to deserve this” kind of think.
guess where the eating disorder came from?
http://www.groundedfitness.com
6. They don’t want to admit their child has a problem. It’s a little different than shame, wherein at least the parents accept there’s an eating disorder. Because let’s face it. This is our “good” child and this child doesn’t come home with eating disorders. If we were about to face therapy and mounting medical bills and possible IP, it’d be the other kid. This one’s…oh there’s nothing to worry about.
7. An an extension of that (sort of)…if your child doesn’t fit the stereotypical mold of who suffers from an eating disorder, then it might not ever occur to you. Parents of boys just might have a hard time accepting that their son can suffer from bulimia or anorexia. I’m sure numbers 1 & 6 are closely related to “7.” There’s still a strong association with eating disorders only being a thing for young privileged white women who are desperately seeking attention. And so if one has a different background or culture, it could simply be ignorance about just how prolific this disorder is.
Wow! These are some awesome answers!
I didn’t think of your ideas and theories. We could probably do plenty of posts about this topic, huh?
8. Some kids are extremely adept at hiding what they want hidden from their parents. Not only are the teens themselves in denial that they have a problem……but some parents feel they are contributing to the problem by trying to make the child see that there is a problem. Thereby creating a bigger problem.
I went from 150 to 97 pounds ages 15-17. My parents made no effort to help me. I stopped having periods. My mother was a closet drinking narcissist and father was a dry drunk w/ major depression. They could hardly keep themselves together. I felt like if they ignored the problem it will go away. My father was a lawyer; maybe that’s why no one in the community tried to help me. I got better on my own, but at age 50 still struggle w/ addiction, codependency and anxiety. Husband is a dry drunk narcissist, and he hoards. Counselors for this problem are rare.