Comments on: “Why Does He Do That?”: Why I Prefer Questions to Silence and Denial http://www.blisstree.com/articles/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/ Family, Health, Home and Lifestyles Sun, 06 Dec 2009 13:54:05 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Favorite December Posts Around the Science and Health Channel http://www.blisstree.com/articles/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-563569 Favorite December Posts Around the Science and Health Channel Wed, 05 Nov 2008 09:44:48 +0000 http://www.autismvox.com/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/#comment-563569 [...] “Why Does He Do That?”: Why I Prefer Questions to Silence and Denial [...] [...] “Why Does He Do That?”: Why I Prefer Questions to Silence and Denial [...]

]]> By: Kristina Chew, PhD http://www.blisstree.com/articles/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-549532 Kristina Chew, PhD Tue, 18 Dec 2007 07:26:01 +0000 http://www.autismvox.com/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/#comment-549532 Very---- Very—-

]]> By: Misha http://www.blisstree.com/articles/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-540775 Misha Tue, 18 Dec 2007 06:07:44 +0000 http://www.autismvox.com/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/#comment-540775 I'm fortunate that the elementary school J goes to has their autism program as an integral part of the day to day routine. All the kids are educated about it and questions have always been encouraged. Now, the middle school he'll be going in to seems to be a different situation that I first thought which has me concerned. While we've felt the positive of people asking questions about J's autism and behaviors and we've given people a better understanding we've also felt the negative side too. We have a neighbor who has asked questions and has taken the answers given and twisted them around in a way that he has decided J is a problem child and troublemaker. His reasoning is completely unfounded and he takes every chance he gets to blame incidents that happen, epecially to his daughter, on J. Even if J wasn't around when something happened. It's ridiculous and I've gone around with this neighbor more than once. I think it's one of those times where he had preconceived notions about J and when my answers weren't what he wanted to hear he found a way to twist them around so that they were. Pretty pathetic. I’m fortunate that the elementary school J goes to has their autism program as an integral part of the day to day routine. All the kids are educated about it and questions have always been encouraged. Now, the middle school he’ll be going in to seems to be a different situation that I first thought which has me concerned.

While we’ve felt the positive of people asking questions about J’s autism and behaviors and we’ve given people a better understanding we’ve also felt the negative side too. We have a neighbor who has asked questions and has taken the answers given and twisted them around in a way that he has decided J is a problem child and troublemaker. His reasoning is completely unfounded and he takes every chance he gets to blame incidents that happen, epecially to his daughter, on J. Even if J wasn’t around when something happened. It’s ridiculous and I’ve gone around with this neighbor more than once.

I think it’s one of those times where he had preconceived notions about J and when my answers weren’t what he wanted to hear he found a way to twist them around so that they were. Pretty pathetic.

]]> By: Valerie http://www.blisstree.com/articles/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-548777 Valerie Mon, 17 Dec 2007 21:35:51 +0000 http://www.autismvox.com/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/#comment-548777 I don't know why I've always been fascinated in autism; nobody in my family has it, nor do people I know. However, I have recently, on 2 separate occasions, met adults with Asperger's, and I love being with them. They both told me they don't have any friends. We have an understanding that when they become to "clingy" as they said is the main reason that they lose friends, that I tell them that. I'm working with one of them to help her keep some eye contact when she speaks. She has asked me to help her with that. She, at age 25, was just diagnosed last year. The comment in your blog about people quieting their children who ask questions are, I'm pretty sure, not wanting to hurt the autistic child's feelings. I don't believe that the intent is to keep it quiet for the sake of their own child. Education is the best approach, as people I have spoken to aren't sure how to approach the subject in a way that is respectful. I don’t know why I’ve always been fascinated in autism; nobody in my family has it, nor do people I know. However, I have recently, on 2 separate occasions, met adults with Asperger’s, and I love being with them. They both told me they don’t have any friends. We have an understanding that when they become to “clingy” as they said is the main reason that they lose friends, that I tell them that. I’m working with one of them to help her keep some eye contact when she speaks. She has asked me to help her with that. She, at age 25, was just diagnosed last year.

The comment in your blog about people quieting their children who ask questions are, I’m pretty sure, not wanting to hurt the autistic child’s feelings. I don’t believe that the intent is to keep it quiet for the sake of their own child. Education is the best approach, as people I have spoken to aren’t sure how to approach the subject in a way that is respectful.

]]> By: Campaign Season in NYC and Beyond http://www.blisstree.com/articles/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-541079 Campaign Season in NYC and Beyond Mon, 17 Dec 2007 20:30:35 +0000 http://www.autismvox.com/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/#comment-541079 [...] commenter on a post from the weekend, “Why Does He Do That?”: Why I Prefer Questions to Silence and [...] [...] commenter on a post from the weekend, “Why Does He Do That?”: Why I Prefer Questions to Silence and [...]

]]> By: Cliff http://www.blisstree.com/articles/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-541136 Cliff Mon, 17 Dec 2007 15:41:10 +0000 http://www.autismvox.com/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/#comment-541136 That's good enough for me! Thank, Caroline. Also, I applaud Brendan for being that open. It really does so much. Cliff That’s good enough for me! Thank, Caroline.

Also, I applaud Brendan for being that open. It really does so much.

Cliff

]]> By: Caroline L. http://www.blisstree.com/articles/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-541199 Caroline L. Mon, 17 Dec 2007 13:48:43 +0000 http://www.autismvox.com/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/#comment-541199 Lisa/Jedi, That is really great that Brendan feels comfortable talking to his classmates about what he experiences. We encourage that with our child, though a lot of prompting is required, and everyone feels happier with the issues discussed in a friendly way. Cliff, I do have the links, not that savvy, but I think the articles on the state guv are in the most recent issues of Vanity Fair and The New Yorker magazines. Lisa/Jedi,
That is really great that Brendan feels comfortable talking to his classmates about what he experiences. We encourage that with our child, though a lot of prompting is required, and everyone feels happier with the issues discussed in a friendly way.

Cliff, I do have the links, not that savvy, but I think the articles on the state guv are in the most recent issues of Vanity Fair and The New Yorker magazines.

]]> By: Kristina Chew, PhD http://www.blisstree.com/articles/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-541399 Kristina Chew, PhD Mon, 17 Dec 2007 06:04:41 +0000 http://www.autismvox.com/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/#comment-541399 That is so tremendous---helps me to think of him speaking. A little explanation goes a long way! That is so tremendous—helps me to think of him speaking. A little explanation goes a long way!

]]> By: Lisa/Jedi http://www.blisstree.com/articles/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-541398 Lisa/Jedi Mon, 17 Dec 2007 04:21:26 +0000 http://www.autismvox.com/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/#comment-541398 Brendan has spoken to his classmates twice about his autism, OCD, & Tourettes- in 4th grade & 5th grade- & it led to a lot more understanding from his school friends about his sometimes odd behaviours. (Since almost all of the kids in his class this year have heard the "talk" he decided it wasn't necessary.) :) He originally decided that he wanted to speak to them because he was afraid that the kids would think that he was ticcing & running out of the classroom (due to anxiety) in order to get out of his school work or to get attention. He also answered questions at the end of each session. His teachers noticed that Brendan's talks made things easier for all of the kids with IEPs, not just for Brendan. We're convinced that having the info come, matter-of-factly, from Brendan himself had more of an impact than if someone spoke for him. It's also helped him become better at noticing situations when a bit of explanation is helpful, & he's been overheard explaining his tics to the neighbour kids & parents of kids at school. We're really proud that he's learned to self-advocate at such a young age. Brendan has spoken to his classmates twice about his autism, OCD, & Tourettes- in 4th grade & 5th grade- & it led to a lot more understanding from his school friends about his sometimes odd behaviours. (Since almost all of the kids in his class this year have heard the “talk” he decided it wasn’t necessary.) :) He originally decided that he wanted to speak to them because he was afraid that the kids would think that he was ticcing & running out of the classroom (due to anxiety) in order to get out of his school work or to get attention. He also answered questions at the end of each session. His teachers noticed that Brendan’s talks made things easier for all of the kids with IEPs, not just for Brendan. We’re convinced that having the info come, matter-of-factly, from Brendan himself had more of an impact than if someone spoke for him. It’s also helped him become better at noticing situations when a bit of explanation is helpful, & he’s been overheard explaining his tics to the neighbour kids & parents of kids at school. We’re really proud that he’s learned to self-advocate at such a young age.

]]> By: Kristina Chew, PhD http://www.blisstree.com/articles/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/comment-page-1/#comment-541596 Kristina Chew, PhD Sun, 16 Dec 2007 21:56:25 +0000 http://www.autismvox.com/why-does-he-do-that-why-i-prefer-questions-to-silence-and-denial/#comment-541596 My own state governor is now infamous for not wearing his seat belt when he was in a serious car accident---the state trooper was driving at 90 mph or some such; he was on his way to the governor's mansion to mediate a meeting between the Rutgers women's basketball team and Don Imus. Charlie always reminds us to "buckle up." My own state governor is now infamous for not wearing his seat belt when he was in a serious car accident—the state trooper was driving at 90 mph or some such; he was on his way to the governor’s mansion to mediate a meeting between the Rutgers women’s basketball team and Don Imus.

Charlie always reminds us to “buckle up.”

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