Why Is Everyone Else Getting Engaged?
June 27, 2009 by Kelli DesRochers
Filed under Relationships
There is definitely a period of time in your late 20’s and early 30’s when you start to watch everyone around you get engaged and married. I’ve heard from older friends that this happens, and I am realizing that I have actually reached that exact point in my life where it is happening to me. Only a few years ago no one was even thinking about marriage, and now the singles are dropping out of the market at a fast pace.
There were definitely the couples who got married right out of college…but those were outliers. They had been dating since freshman year and it was very expected that they would get married young. It didn’t cause any big commotion amongst our friends because the wedding was such a great college reunion. Now is the time when it has really started to become a pattern.
As soon as I realized that this stage of my life had officially begun, I was interested in seeing how those in long term relationships would start to respond. Couple who have just started dating know that they are a long ways from engagement so they don’t have such a strong reaction. They see what is going on around them, but know that their situation is different.
Couples who have been dating for a very long time, on the other hand, feel the most pressure. They wonder what it is that those engaged couples have that they don’t…How did they know that they were ready to take that next step? Are we waiting for something that isn’t going to happen? Did we miss the moment where we were supposed to propose? Are we going to know when we’re ready? Do people look at us and wonder why we’re not engaged?
I think these worries can cause unneeded and excessive stress on a relationship. Every couple needs to remember that they are the only ones that really truly understand themselves as a couple and the decisions of others around them are irrelevent. There is no perfect timeline for dating and then getting engaged and there are no social expectations that anyone needs to feel pressure to conform to. Some people date for three days and get engaged and some people date for ten years and never get engaged.
Regardless of what your peers are doing, you know what is right for your relationship and you will know when the time is right to take that next step forward. Be introspective, talk to your significant other, and make the right decisions for you.
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My friend and her “then” boyfriend would argue off and on about that same thing. They’ve been together for 5 years now and she was wondering if he’d ever propose. She would try and drop subtle hints that somehow progressed to complete directness and he would just tell her that he’d been married before and didn’t want to do it again. This hurt her so much. She felt like she was being punished for what his first wife had done to him.
My fiancee and I are engaged now. He proposed to me after a year and a half together. Right now we can’t financially afford to get married and we still have some things to work out.
And I’m happy to say that my friend’s boyfriend also proposed to her and she’s so happy
They’re not rushing the wedding date. She just wanted to know that she wasn’t waiting for nothing. That their commitment would end with a promise, vow, and exchange of “that kiss” in church in front of family and friends.
I believe you’re right.. everyone is different, every relationship is different. I would just hate for my relationship to have ended like Farrah Fawcett’s. Yes, they loved eachother. Yes, they may have been happy. But I don’t think their love was complete. It was like a 500 pc puzzle, missing that one piece in the puzzle. My mom says she had finally said yes to his proposal and they were going to get married after she got well. I looked it up. People magazine online wrote: “Though O’Neal recently said that he and Fawcett had planned to wed, they did not tie the knot. “There just wasn’t time, and Farrah wasn’t in any condition to do it,” says O’Neal.
I think that’s sad, very sad. If you love someone, then I think after so many years you should make the commitment solid with marriage, before it’s too late.
R.I.P. Farrah Fawcett 1947-2009