Why is This Year Different?
March 23, 2009 by Jill Cornfield
Filed under Health
This year is going to be different. After a number of semi-disastrous Passover seders, I’m loaded for bear. I’m planning like mad, and I’m boiling over with ideas. Alex is almost 11, and the clock is ticking. He likely will not be bar mitzvah’d at age 13, like most other Jewish boys, but he will be some day. And a key part of his Jewish education is understanding and participating in the rituals of Passover.
Step one begins with a purchase. A toy wooden Passover set by KidKraft, a company that also made a toy wooden Hanukkah set (menorah, candles, little wooden flames, a frying pan and some latkes or potato pancakes). Alex loves this set. I love this company, because when we lost one of the candles, I emailed them and ordered the part. They do not charge for replacements or shipping.
I’m willing to bet Alex will adore setting up the toy seder plate and putting the matzoh in its matzoh cover. And I love a child’s play set that comes with a play bottle of wine.
Step two. Like the old New York joke about how you get to Carnegie Hall (practice! practice! practice!) we’re going to have a number of seders. There will be a dress rehearsal the night before. There will be a mini seder with his classmates. I have to digress here and say while he goes to a public school, I really doubt there will be a problem about using any religious rituals in the classrooom. For years he’s been coming home with coloring sheets about Three King’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day and the Feast of Annunciation, complete with pictures of Mary and the infant Jesus. So a few Old Testament fun facts about Exodus and the flight out of Egypt should be okay.
I’m planning a bunch of mini seders, and they will all hit the same high points (candle-lighting, Four Questions, Ten Plagues, a couple of traditional songs and a round of dayenu).
On the night itself, we will have our seder. If all goes well, Alex will attend and participate. We will not ask as much of him as we have in previous years. The service will be short. He’ll help hide the afikomen, and he’ll get a nice gift from Grandpa. At least, these are my predictions.
Hi Jill, I just found your blog today and I am sure I will follow it now. My 10 year old also has ASD. It’s been a rough road but we are learning to help him deal with his differences. I am also Jewish and noticed your statement about not having a bar mitzvah at age 13 like other kids. After yet another “incident” at Hebrew school this past week, I know I will not be enrolling Jack in Hebrew school when we move this summer but have already contacted the local Chabad house where we will be moving to. The Rabbi there said he is happy to give Jack private lessons to prepare him. I know some other people who have done this. Chabad is an amazing organization and while I am a reform, bordering on conservative, Jew and they are very orthodox, they are warm and welcoming and helpful in every way. So, if you want to work on it with Alex, you could contact them and they will work with you, I am sure.
I, too, am preparing for Passover now. Ironically, we are going to the Hebrew school director’s house for Seder. After the second incident in as many weeks, I really don’t want to spend the evening with the director, but now I don’t think I have any choice, we are committed. I can only hope to make it a positive experience for our kids. They will be the only kids there, so it could be a long night.
Good luck with your preparations. I love the set you got for Alex. I will be buying one for us. We have the Shabbat one but since we live overseas, it is too late to buy the Passover one for this year.
All the best to you and yours,
Erin
Erin, Happy holidays to you too, and good luck with your preparations. I hope your seder goes well. I’m happy you have a rabbi and your son is in Hebrew school. We tried something called Matan, which is an organization that provides Jewish education for kids with special needs, but as is often the case “special needs” winds up being a VERY broad scale. Alex really needed one-on-one help. We asked if Ned could tag along and help him; they wound up charging us for Ned, too, which was kind of a drag. I still think it is a great program, though.
Someone sent me an email contact for Chabad for Alex, so I will definitely try that.
I take it year by year. Last year wasn’t so successful; this year I hope Alex will be better prepared and more involved.
Best wishes,
Jill