I, for one, am a firm believer in “date night”, even if we can’t go out. My daughter has a weekly overnight visit with Grammy, and I am SO grateful! Sometimes we go out to dinner or a movie, but with money being so tight, more often than not, we just stay in. However, there are no tv, computer or video games allowed! We love to put on some music and then have a Cribbage marathon, or some other kind of game like that.

I think a lot of people have a misconception of the “work” of marriage. It’s not all about the big, amazing act or gift to “make it all ok.” The little things in life have more meaning than they’re given credit for. It goes back to respect and love going hand in hand. If you like to do something that your spouse doesn’t appreciate, both partners should try to find the respect for each other to come to a compromise. Instead of two hours on the computer at night, have an hour for the computer, and an hour for your wife. That kind of thing.

By spending more time together, we may all be reminded of why we got married in the first place!

I really feel like the sex issue is important – not in a 1956 “It’s your wifely duty” kind of way either. I need to have sex with him often or I kind of drift away emotionally..I also feel my security blanket getting thin when we don’t make time.

Its just hard, marriage is hard! I don’t want out or anything – I just think we should be honest about the fact that it’s hard..not fairytale-ish at all.

When Nueman gave the 3 signs that he’s cheating my husband has all 3. But, I think his Christian Sex Guilt outweighs any temptation he might have.

After the first show we scheduled sex 3 times a week because it will make us both healthier and happier.

If anything, I realized after the 2nd show that I am lonely. I’m tired of his computer and beer replacing an actual relationship with me. And I’m sick to death of having to say the same thing over and over. Why do men have the excuse “I didn’t understand my feelings” or “I didn’t feel like putting in the effort” and then get to destroy their entire families.

I’m lonely, but, am I cheating? No. I’m just telling him I’m lonely. Like a normal person.

We just went through a near-divorce marriage war and we’re in a place where I think we both realized how important this – our marriage and our family – is and we’re both willing to make an effort.

We got out of the weekly date habit due to no babysitters when we moved – I think I’ll find a weekly sitter and suck the $20 up.

And I agree totally – both parties must be invested and actively work at it.

No one ever claimed that dealing with one’s emotions is easy. I don’t think we would appreciate anything if it all came easily. I feel that most men don’t want to put in the effort required to understand themselves, never mind what it takes to understand someone else.

I also feel that some men seem to view “working on the marriage” as something that women do, or are good at, so just let them do it then. And they just wash their hands of the whole thing. After all this time, it’s become pretty obvious, to me at least, that the marriages that work are the ones where BOTH partners are involved in making it work.

I say, Enough already! All of those emotionally “retarded” men out there have had more than enough time to wallow in the mistakes of past generations. Get over it, move on with life and prove that you can actually BE men!

If a few can realize that the wives of the world have been right all this time, then they are all capable of learning. Now as for the rate at which they learn … they ARE still male. Heh!

I’ll get tickled for that little dig later, but it was worth it!

Again, do you feel like the purpose of the discussion was to excuse behavior, or explain it? I mean, figuring out motive is not exactly excusing the crime.

Maybe I’m not quite as emotional about this as some because I honestly don’t worry about my husband doing this. I dont’ believe it’s something I can prevent – beyond working on our relationship – so I don’t see the point in obsessing over it. Also, my husband and I have overcome some huge obstacles of another kind in the 3 1/2 yrs of marriage and during all of this overcoming there were many points of reckoning that either of us could have easily gone to another for comfort. My husband is also a recovering addict – and there’s lots of feelings and self reflection and talking involved in that recovery – so I guess I’m pretty confident that he is in touch with this feelings.
Another factor in my security is that his parents divorced due to infidelity – and it was devastating to him. His family was literally shattered and I think he sees that as the ultimate evil.

I’m not saying we are immune to the statistics – I’m saying if anything, I worry about us falling into that other category I mentioned above later down the road. All I can see to do is stick close to each other, keep reinventing ourselves, not lose ourselves in one another, always keep divorce off the table, try and respect him as much as I would a best friend, have a lot of sex (for the benefit of all – not just him) and communicate.

I don’t know if that’s the magic formula or not, but I know the beauty of these sorts of discussions is that it makes us all a little more aware and analytical about our own marriages. We regularly have talks about how we hope our future will be, what kinds of ruts we want to avoid, what we’ll expect and need, etc.. I dont’ know – I don’t have all the answers.

It sounded like we’re giving a free pass on men being emotionally retarded. Also, that whole women are checked out of their marriage rings zero true to me.

Most women I know complain about their men rejecting their emotional and romantic advances, being too busy or too cheap to go on dates, not putting down their computers, saying everything is fine when they bring issues up. Most women take their marriages very seriously, suggest seeking help if they have problems, make it a point to speak to their men, surprise them with gifts or special meals, etc. And the men call them “nags” for it.

Then we have guys on this show saying, “I didn’t know I was lonely until the Dr. told me so.”

Here’s the definition of emotionally retarded “you can’t identify your own feeling or emotion and you are rendered helpless to your penis in the face of one.”

Everyone should go to their husbands tonight and say, “This is what ‘lonely’ feels like – a little ache in your heart where you feel disconnected. It’s okay to be lonely, In case of loneliness here’s the phone number for the baby sitter – call her. I’ll go with you. To prevent loneliness you should stop investing so much time and energy in that computer at night, or golf, or your second business, or hatred of your boss, or the beer or your weed, because it will never love you back. “

But, wasn’t this whole show about the reasons men cheat? Trying to give us a deeper undersanding of the reasons? Not excuses – just the explaination. I, as a married woman, would like to have a greater understanding of the motives of a cheater so that I can

a) look for the signs
b) take preventative measures – if there are any
c) recognize the shift before the act happens
d) come to peace with those that have cheated on me.

I strongly believe that some cheaters simply do it to boost their lacking ego – I dont’ think any woman can prevent that sort of cheating.. But, there’s another camp of cheaters out there – the kind that have only done it once? The kind that have an affair after 20 years in a happy marriage? And I want to understand WHY they go that route. I dont’ think this kind of man is checking out every hot girl in the resteraunt or combing the parking lot for potential scores – I think there’s something very different going on there and I want to understand it,..not excuse it, just understand it.

No, I don’t think it’s my job to make sure he doesn’t cheat – but it is my job to make sure our relationship is healthy and he’s getting what he needs – just like it’s his job to do that for me. I’m very vocal in telling my husband what I need and he’s not quite as good at expressing his needs to me – I think most men are pretty bad at this.