Why Suckers Really Suck
Warning: I’m about to rant and be mean. All those of you who live in a bubblegum flavored, happy go lucky world, please avert your eyes. I don’t feel like reading comments about how bad a mother I am or how unlucky my husband is. If I do see any such comments, I will hunt you down and let my children “play” at your house, leaving it in irreparable shambles.
Sorry, I digress. My rant is regarding companies that manufacture suckers. I have two problems with these companies. The first is that they make the suckers in different flavors. Are the sucker companies trying to make me prematurely grey haired? Do they not have children of their own who engage in death matches over who gets the last root beer flavored Dum-Dum? Do they not know the agony that comes from witnessing the suffering of a two year old who is left with the nasty chocolate flavored Tootsie Pop, because her five older siblings called rank and took all the good flavors? How about making one damn flavor and calling it “Yummy.” That way, when I want to reward my children with a sucker, I can avoid the stress and chaos of dealing with heart broken children and resulting fist fights.
The second issue I have with suckers is the stick. When the flavor issue comes into play and a fight breaks out, what do the children use as weapons? The thing that they already have in their hand, of course…a sucker stick! It makes a perfect torture tool. I’m sick of breaking up scuffles and trying to shield my eyeballs from the chance of being gouged by a sucker stick. I’m also tired of chanting, “Don’t run with the sucker. You could hurt yourself.” I sound like a freakin’ Gregorian monk every time we go to a birthday party. Why not change the design of the stick? Sure they have those Safe-T-Pops, but they taste nasty and look like baby rattles. My kids completely shun them.
“Why not just give your kids something besides suckers,” you are asking by now? I have considered it, but suckers are just so classic a treat. Plus, they keep my kids quiet (once they all have a flavor they like,) for a good five minutes. It is a welcome break from the usual ear splitting decibels that this house/van achieve. All I’m asking is that the sucker companies reformulate their recipe to be only one flavor and have a stick that is a cool and not so weapon-like design. Is that really so much to ask?
AAAAAAAAAMMMMMMEEENNNNN!!!!!!
We have the daily throw down over the coveted blue one. My two year old doesn’t even know his colors but somehow he has soaked up the concept from his older brother that blue is special. Apparently, it’s the only one that tastes good, it’s the only one that makes you a boy (like they’re soaking the blue ones in testosterone or something), and it is the key to future happiness. I have tried to convince them that the (yucky) brown ones are chocolate and therefore trump the almighty blue – but they’re not buying it. Thank you bank lady for ALWAYS giving me one blue and one brown sucker! Your contribution to my already hectic, squabbly ride home is much appreciated.
you should rotate picking order by kid, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7…
when #1 went first last time…it’s #2’s time and down the line. Would that be too hard to keep track of? Routines, schedules and order are not my strong suit. recomend a book? besides flylady? love your blog btw…i’m sooooo feeling ya and i’d be happy if you were my wife. HEHHE jk throw back to the 2 faced post comments. I’m married! to a man..lol
I once sorted them out by flavor and told my kids that’s how they were selling them…It worked, until my middle one found the stash! Darn! I just got caught up on some of the older posts….Looks like someone needs to move away from the page…..! Where do they come from? Not happy? Don’t like it? Don’t read it!