Why You Settle
July 20, 2008 by Sasha Manuel
Filed under Relationships
I had this enlightening conversation with a new friend last night and it was on the subject of settling. I’ve heard this raised time and again whenever people would talk to me about relationships, staying with a current partner, or entering into a new relationship. To be honest, I’ve considered this idea of “settling” in a lot of situations I’ve found myself in.
The thing this person said about this theory had startled me. It was about the reason why people, mostly women, settle. Abandonment issues. The reason for my surprise was because I had recently realised this myself. To hear somebody else say it made it more real and concrete.
We’re not trying to trivialise the painful past of people who have abandonment issues. It is real. You feel it so it’s real.
But it doesn’t stop there, you see. You have to acknowledge that it is an issue. It’s just an issue. It’s not who you are.
Individuals with abandonment issues will seek some place to belong. This will result to finding something to fill that place that you want occupied. Ending up dating people for convenience and temporary comfort. You failed to consider your real needs. You can’t help but be overwhelmed with the seemingly urgent need to be with someone. You overlook the factors that will actually deal with the issue. Having someone there will not automatically mean you’re out of the clearing; that you’re safe. But, the fact is, you’re just in a relationship that’s a bubble gum remedy. You really have to deal with this at its core. You have got to deal with your abandonment issues.
Just pause for a while and ask yourself this question, “are you settling?”
If you know your true worth, you’ll never settle for someone less deserving. Be sure that you’re with someone who complements who you are. If he or she is simply attaching himself or herself on you for his or her gain, a temporary relief to a lull in his or her life (probably when he or she is still figuring out what to do with his or her life), you’ll find that you won’t have the energy to live for the both of you. He or she will just drain you of life (figuratively speaking).
Don’t be afraid to be who you really are. Embrace your own beauty. And, please, don’t settle.
I agree with this whole heartedly. I recently dated a man whom I almost settled for. He was the sweetest person; and he treated me how I wanted to be treated. However, there was no true chemistry (physical or emotional) between us. Yet, I was tempted to be with him just because I felt as though I wouldn’t find someone better…
However, my worth is not determined by a relationship. I do want to be in true love…which is why I won’t settle for anything less than that.