Withholding your status as a parent in the workplace

Nataly, at Work-It, Mom! had an interesting experience when she approached potential contributors to the site.

Two women she spoke with expressed concerns about writing for the site, they were worried about being associated with “mommy sites”.

While the term “mommy blogger” has been hotly debated out there, this is a little different twist on the matter. The bottom line is that both of these women:

didn’t want to be prominently identified as moms because they thought it would hurt their career. Their clients would take them less seriously, their opinions would be given less weight.

Nataly asks:

How many other working moms out there are hiding in the closet so that their co-workers, bosses, clients, or readers take them seriously?

I know there are situations where working mothers are seen as less committed, less competent, and, are paid less just because they are mothers, and, some dads will be penalized for their child care obligations, because they are often seen as “mother’s work”.

That type of discrimination is never OK.

However, though this may not be a popular stance, based on my experience as a manager, I do believe there are some factors contributing to this perception that you can control, but, that doesn’t mean I feel that employees should have to hide the fact they are parents.

There are working parents, and, I daresay that they are more often mothers, who behave as if having children is a free pass to get special treatment in the workplace, and, to abandon their professional demeanor, and, co-workers, and, clients, as well as employers have grown weary of it.

Yes, sometimes, they really do have a problem taking an employee/parent seriously when that employee isn’t behaving seriously.

You can’t always change an employer, or, a client’s perception (again, I’m not talking about an outright discrimination situation) of working parents, but, you can make sure you are conducting yourself professionally, and, that you “know your audience” when it comes to talking about personal matters at work.

Though I would never hide being a parent, in fact, I am very proud of it, however, there is simply a time, and, a place for that part of my life to come through in the workplace.

For me, and, certainly not everyone, that doesn’t mean always giving intricate details about why I need a day off, or, to come in late. For example, if there’s a school event I need to attend, I’d simply say, “I need to come in late on Thursday”. I’m not hiding anything, it’s just that that’s all my boss really wants to know, anyway.

Your work situation may differ, and, believe me I know that working parents face a lot of difficulties, but, perception is just one of those difficulties. It shouldn’t be, but, it is what it is, and, sometimes, you just have to know when to “play the game”.

As for the question of how your career is affected by writing for a website, I think the implications of writing in any area, not just parenting, should be weighed carefully, as your online identity is becoming more and more important, professionally.

I would hope that being associated with a quality site like Work-It, Mom wouldn’t be an issue for someone professionally, but, I guess it’s possible.

Only you know the intricacies of your professional situation, but, I hope that as employers become more versed in the issue of work-life balance, we won’t have to be quite as wary of expressing our status as parents.