Women Date 5 Bad Guys Before 1 Nice Guy

I just read a thought-provoking piece of advice from advice columnist E. Jean in Elle magazine’s November issue.  A self-proclaimed nice guy (characterized as shy, clean-cut, good job, drug- and alcohol-free) asked E. Jean why women would choose to date five different types of jerks before even considering dating him.  He even stated these specific jerk types as A. users, B. jailbirds, C. druggies, D. abusers, and E. cheaters.  I’m not sure that we need to go so far as to categorize “bad guys”…let’s just say that anyone who was overly selfish, caused you to feel bad about yourself, and/or left you a complete mess when the relationship ended qualifies.

E. Jean’s response was quite interesting! While most who hear this story would respond with the usual “There are women out there looking for a nice guy so you just have to wait until you find each other” E. Jean responded with:

“An amiable woman will endure the depredations of five assholes before she accidentally meets a good guy and falls for him…Place yourself where there are high numbers of women.  It will then become a mathematical certainty you’ll meet a woman who has maxed out on cads.”

Wow!  My first reaction was anger because, of course, I am a woman and I take offense to the idea that the only way that I would be interested in a nice guy would be if I was just completely rundown by dating a long list of bad guys.  No way!  Women aren’t like that!  Or…are they?  Well now that I think about it, E. Jean’s advice might be unconventional but it may be more realistic than what we have been telling nice guys for years.

The truth is that most women do end up dating a lot of jerks.  Think about your friends and how many times you have given each other advice about choosing the wrong men.  It’s not uncommon, so it’s must be accepted.  Women are attracted to the guys with the good looks and big personalities who oftentimes have a selfish attitude in a relationship.

I think it all boils down to an issue of confidence.  Guys want girls with confidence, and girls want guys with confidence.  It’s just a natural competitive spirit that we want the one who all the others want…we can’t help it!  If we are dating the hot, outgoing, funny, and super desirable (read: confident!) guy then we feel good about ourselves and we get a little personal boost.  The nice guy also wants the girl with similar characteristics…but who is that top dog going to end up dating?

The nice guy probably just needs to work on his shyness so that he can exude a personality of confidence.  He doesn’t have to be a jerk, he just has to be noticed!  He can’t let himself disappear into the shadows and let the top dogs steal all of the attention.  He also needs to search out those women who are more like him.  The women who like the nice guys are probably the women who are the nice girls.  Instead of shooting for the one getting all of the attention at the bar, shoot for the shy girl in the corner who might have a lot more in common with you.

So yes, it is true that women date a lot of jerks.  But I also still believe that if you are a nice guy, there is a nice girl out there who truly is looking for someone just like you without dating a list of bad guys first.

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