Working Out Trust Issues, 3 Things I Tell Myself

For someone who has been through a lot in the past (and I’m not just referring to myself), a build up of doubts will often trouble his or her mind that may affect the relationship he or she is currently in. This is attributed to a sort of normal reflex — a defence mechanism if you may — that a human being acquires after such an ordeal, developed mainly due to the need to survive, literally or not. Yes, it’s more commonly known as trust issues.

Personally, I’ve been troubled by such issues and I’ve seen how it affects a relationship. Trust, after all, is one of the foundations of a relationship. Without it, the relationship’s doomed to fail. A duty incumbent upon me is that I need to work out these trust issues on my own. Sure, there are stages wherein a little support will definitely help but majority of the reconciliation should happen within me.

Here are three things I tell myself over and over:

Think positive thoughts
Dwelling on the negative is not healthy at all. It’s destructive, actually. I believe in the domino effect: that with what you start off with will set off succeeding events, which will be a reflection — or worse, multiplied — of its root. I’ve always had good things happen because I thought of them good things. It’s like I had drawn positive vibes from all over, hence, making it possible to have good things happen. This is something I really ought to practice more often.

Always tell the truth
I know everybody lies. I admit that I’m guilty of telling a lie every now and then. But it’s the idea of not withholding information that can affect the relationship is what I mean. The easiest way out of a situation is to lie. It’s so tempting to give in most of the time. However, if you really want to get out of bondage, you’ve got to face the consequences of the truth. Besides, it doesn’t automatically mean that the truth will get you into trouble. It just opens the door to effectively communicate. If you want to learn how to trust, you need to be someone who can be trusted.

Let go
We’re back once more on the ‘dwelling’. If you’re a vindictive person, you’ll know what this means. Naturally referring to grudges, ill-feelings and bad thoughts all directed to a specific person or a more general public. We often nurture these feelings to a certain extent, which is self-damaging. This alters our view of people, increases our paranoia, or even breaks our self-esteem. If we tell ourselves to let go of the bad feeling, i.e. unjust treatment, betrayal or spite, arguments anchored on these will not be as emotionally or mentally draining. You get to fight fairly, untainted by ghosts that you can’t seem to let go.

It’s going to be painful and confusing, working out trust issues. You’ll try to look for wisdom in all of it and try to latch onto some form of truth that you believe will help keep you sane. It’ll be an emotional and mental battle within you. And it’ll be a long process (heck, I’m still dealing with it).

You just have to remember that it’s all for your own good. It will usher in a better relationship with your partner. It will help you live a happier life. I reckon that bit is the most important motivation of all. Because it’s you alone who is in your life 24/7. And you only get one chance in living this life.

Photo© 2007 Phoebe Ramos