Sorry I took so long to respond and apologize for not responding to this article.

Regan, the way that most people I know of deal with the problem of “what happens when I can’t be there because I’m dead or disabled” has to do with insurance, family, carefully made wills and trusts, and hope. Because in the end that’s really all you can do; there’s a limit to what you can do from beyond the grave.

My own worries have only to do with about the next 15 years or so; if something happens to me, my ex will have my daughter’s care, even if he’s not really able to take care of her (or himself). Our families are small and scattered, our parents are getting on. So there is an insurance trust that allows him to live with her in the house, pays bills if he can’t work, pays for household staff, and pays for healthcare for both of them. Trustees and advisors have been carefully chosen. My daughter and I are part of a small, tight Jewish community, and I’ve arranged things so that they’re likely to look out for her, keep her connected, show her models of successful professional/educational life, and attend to her education. I am well-connected with the local human-services establishment and I trust those people to make good recommendations for good-enough, understanding household staff (who can be paid a premium thanks to the insurance trust). My school friends would also, I think, help out.

Of course, my ex could reject all of this. Nothing I can do about that, and in the worst case she would grow up isolated, taking care of her father and watching his breakdowns in a home dominated by his mental illness, with little or no training in looking to her own future.

There is really only so much you can do. Money can sometimes help if it’s carefully controlled. A combination of money, savvy, and a devoted family member is probably the best you can do. In practice, plan the best you can, and then put aside fantasies of future grief as best you can, because they cannot help.

Reality is, within a company, it is the direct care workers that deal with the clients on a daily basis. Clients depend on them to meet their basic needs. They are also the lowest paid in the company, with a turnover rate that is incredible.

The company I work for now, is very prestigious, ans very well known throughout the TBI (traumatic brain injury) community. Even with all of that, we still hire direct care workers who are less than desirable. Matter of fact, the only reason we’ve ever turned anyone away is if they had been convicted of abuse in the past. Convicted.

It’s sad, but on the business side, it does boil down to the almighty dollar. Try getting a quality, experienced, or degreed person to work for $7-$8/hour without weekends or holidays. These people do need to get paid more, but companies should stop settling for illiterate dropouts with drug histories and such (not saying that all workers are like this, just speaking from my experiences) to care for our loved ones.

But part of it (for me at least) is that I have to trust God that He will care for my son, even when I can’t be there.

I thank God that this incident was videotaped. Authorities will know for certain who did this disgraceful thing. And the parents of these children will not be able to deny it either.

Scary.