What Would You Do: He said he didn’t, then ate his words
August 2, 2007 by Sasha Manuel
Filed under Relationships
A few days ago, a reader of Dating Dames left a comment on the post, The Cheating Boyfriend, presenting a scenario and here’s how it goes:
he said he doesnt have any1 to talk to abt his problems, bcoz i was too busy partying everyday with my friends, so he called this bitch (who adores him like crz) to come to his house to talk. and *you can guess what happen next.
my friends and even the bitch told me what happenned between my bf n the bitch, i was so stupid fr not trusting them, my bf kept denying it n he was friggin mad cuz i didnt believe him at 1st, then after 4 months (after all so-called-rumours) he finally confessed tht he did cheatd on me. it was totally embarassing, he kept saying sorry and everything blabla love me and stuff.
so what do u think? — Dee
Instead of responding there, I thought I’d share to the rest of you what I thought of the situation, too.
The thing about relationships that I consider most important is the level of trust. Without it, there’s no point in continuing the relationship. However, I recognise a certain weakness that most women have in terms of emotions and our relationships, we tend to be lenient and forgiving but I’m generalising.
I’m sure everyone will automatically blame the “other woman” first and foremost but fail to consider that the man is as guilty as that woman. Tempted? Lonely? Angry? Curious? Intoxicated? Drugged perhaps? Regardless of the many reasons that a man or woman can conjure up, it doesn’t take away the fact that the deed was done. What’s worse it when he (or she) was given the chance to come clean but denied it.
When it comes to relationships, my major pet peeve is lying. I can’t stand being around people who are dishonest to the point that they’d deceive you. It’s a pretty selfish thing. No can can have the cake and eat it, too. If they have chosen to date or have that relationship with you then he or she should respect the commitment that you both went into.
Dee, he said he claims that he loves you and that you should forgive him and perhaps asking that you give him another chance, know this, if he indeed loved you, he wouldn’t be in this sort of situation with you, you wouldn’t be found questioning his fidelity.
My two cents.
What about you guys? What would you do? Thoughts?
I never blame the other woman. It’s the guy that is cheating, not her so why aim my anger at the wrong target?
Actions speak louder than words and the definition of “love” can be stretched beyond all reason. To avoid this, make sure you talk about that definition in the beginning. Then, when your expectations have been throttled like this, the fellow has to resort to hard facts about behavior..his manipulation with the trump card called “love” won’t hold up!
Since his actions show that he cannot honor your agreements, then be truthful about it, its time to move on and find someone else who actually deserves your attention. Take action! Don’t let years of being socialized into giving way too many chances stand between you and a healthy relationship!
Its funny because I am soo very strong in all other aspects of my life, but when it comes to my boyfriend of 3 years…i feel soo very weak! He actually was the first guy I opened my heart up to in years. He is a little younger then I am and sometimes I feel that he is just looking for something better, but I give him all I can and it makes me feel like crap. I know that this is soo unhealthy, but it is my first time dealing with anything like this. How do you just walk away? I am such a good woman and other men try to talk to me all the time, but I am just not interested…even after all he has done, he still has my heart somehow…and I do not understand why!!! Does anyone have advice?! I know it sounds pathetic but please help! I want 2008 to be a joyous year!