Yesterday’s Reflection
September 27, 2007 by Mark
Filed under Diseases & Conditions
Strikes at the very heart of my emotions. It is not true for me and is the one thing which has the capability of leading my mind in a direction of “unique.”
It is titled (for those who didn’t read it) “Our Children” and it says;
“The alcoholic may find it hard to re-establish friendly relations with his children…”
Yeah, no sh**.
“In time they will see that he is a new man and in their own way they will let him know it…”
Bull cr**.
“From that point on, progress will be rapid. Marvelous results often follow such a reunion.”
Reunion my a**.
During the days my ex and I were getting divorced (very contentiously) and I was still living in the house, there came a night when I was served with a Protection Order. You’ll make your own human judgment on that but it was thrown out by the courts weeks later because it lacked any substance whatsoever. After being so “graciously” informed of the ramifications of this order by two of Suffolk County’s finest, I returned to my bedroom with my two sons and cried my eyes out.
To be accused of such horror when you haven’t done it hurts like hell.
My two boys stayed with me for about two hours when I was finally able to sleep. That was the last time I’ve had any emotional support from them. There were visits after the divorce but they somehow were never the same. Then came Wal-Mart, transfers and separation. Over ten years.
If you are an old reader here you know I had contact with my youngest son almost a year ago. I won’t repeat what he eventually ended up spewing on me. (It put me in a verrrry low valley). I will tell you that from my personal experience with my children that this reading is so far off base it ought to be removed from the Daily Reflections, in my opinion.
And… here’s the bottom line – there still isn’t any booze on my breath! Thank God…
This too shall pass, Mark. Hang in there! These things happen in God’s time, not ours.
Hi Namenlosen,
Catching up are you? lol…
Appreciate all the comments including this one. I’m not in disagreement with what you’ve said here, don’t misunderstand. Yesterday I had the first cancer surgery in my life, completely successful mind you, but right now damn painful. Anyhow – this is THE one thing that gets me okay? I can know all about God’s time and all that but in this singularly extreme situation, despite doing whatever right things I’m capable of doing by His grace and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, nothing, nothing, changes when it comes to the destroyed relationships with my kids.
It hurts and pisses me off at the same time. I’m not happy about hearing that this too shall pass and God involved – it has been over ten years and hasn’t changed. I, Yes, I, see, I didn’t want this and it happened anyway. God is late after all.
I know that last statement is a lie but its the way I feel. I missed so much of my children’s lives that it is truly disgusting – AND I WAS/AM SOBER!!! Dammit!!!
Yes, Mark, exactly—catching up!
I’m glad your surgery was successful. The pain will pass, but an unsuccessful surgery would be a REAL bitch!
Your feelings bring to mind how I felt when I was being divorced 11 years ago. I absolutely hated it! She got the children, which even then I had to admit was best for them. But I still hated it! I felt like I had been divorced from my whole family, not just from the woman I couldn’t get along with anymore, who had a new rich boyfriend.
But I also must admit I never went through any period where my children wouldn’t have a relationship with me. Sometimes I have wished I had more contact with them, but it’s nothing like what you described.
It’s nice to know you care. When they reach the point of deciding to make a move in your direction, which I believe they inevitably will, that’s what they need to find—a father who cares about their best interests. The more you can heal, the easier it will be for them to find that in you.
And you have nothing but my best wishes for this reunion to happen sooner rather than later!