Zoe and Wash – Firefly
March 11, 2008 by Bald Man
Filed under Relationships
I thin we’ve mentioned on here before that a favorite way for us to relax at the end of a day is by watching TV series on DVD. Anymore, I really don’t care to watch much of anything on broadcast. Who can stand the commercials? I can watch an hour episode in 43 minutes, and I don’t have to wait a week – or more! – to find out what happens next. Besides, I fancy myself a bit of anachronism, so being a step or two out of touch with the pop culture of the moment suits me fine.
At any rate, Kerri and I have just finished watching Firefly, a space western by Joss Whedon. Very cool show, and I recommend it to all. Kerri, who’s not a sci-fi fan, thoroughly enjoyed it as well.
Episode 109, War Stories, has me thinking about marriage and old friends. The episode starts off with a bit of a conflict between the ship’s married crew members: Zoe, the first mate, and Wash the pilot. You see Zoe and Cap. Malcolm Reynolds are old war buddies, and their history and close friendship finally gets under Wash’s skin in this episode. In an early scene Wash ends an argument with his wife saying, “No, what this marriage needs is one less husband. Right now it’s kind of crowded.”
So, let me ask you your thoughts on the topic of one partner in a marriage having a close friend of the opposite sex. Do you think it’s possible for that arrangement to operate smoothly, or is conflict inevitable?
Kerri and I no longer have any close friends of the opposite sex. Back when we were dating, in high school and college, we both did, and while there wasn’t anything close to infidelity (such as you would define it in a serious dating relationship) there were certainly a few jealous moments between us. I distinctly remember putting a dent in the roof of my old S-15 pickup from the inside after such a moment.
Anymore, neither of us really has many – if any – close friends of the opposite sex. The one’s that come closest to fitting that description are mutual friends so far as I can think of. I don’t think it was necessarily a conscious choice to pull away from one friend or another so much as it was a decision to draw closer to each other. And I, for one, think it’s probably a good thing. I think conflict is inevitable when a husband or a wife draw too close to anyone of the opposite sex other than their partner. We just aren’t made in such a way for that to work well.
What do you think? Am I out of touch with both pop culture AND reality, or it this just the way things work?
My husband and I don’t have any close friends of the opposite sex, unless you count the other half of our couples friends. But in Capt. Reynolds and Zoe’s situation is unique – they were part of the Brown Coats
! In that episode, however, I think that Reynolds was overstepping a bit and Wash had every reason to make that comment.
Joss Whedon (the creator) is a genius. Might I suggest for your viewing pleasure Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel (if you haven’t already done so). I don’t like that kind of tv either (or at least I thought I didn’t), but it’s great end of the day viewing!
I didn’t really make woman friends before I was married, and my closest friends were man friends. I still maintain those friendships, but I’m obsessive about telling my husband about any and every detail of my interactions with them. “Oh, Bob called, we talked about this and that and so-n-so, his granddad died, he went to the funeral, his brother in college rode along, he’s really struggling with ___ still, he’s studying ___ in Bible Study, etc.”
I’m still a newlywed (two years, baby!), but I know that marriages go through hard times when other guys seem better than the Husband, just because the grass is greener in pastures you don’t have to live with, right? So I’m purposeful in my man-friendships now when things are awesome and my marriage is superfun; in case things get hard and the temptation ramps up, I’ll already have the habits of (1) tell Husband everything because it’s the hidden things that become big temptations and (2) prioritize Husband over manfriends. He gets to be Numero Uno now and if that changes the manfriendships then it changes the friendships.
I agree that Joss whedon is a genius. Angel and buffy great shows. I am not the biggest scifi lover but you know my hubby is. Seriously now you guys need to come over and watch Serinity.
Glad you guys liked Firefly. Can you guess who my favorite character is?
Heather,
Having exposed ourselves to Josh’s genius, we may have to get Buffy and Angel from the library. Season 6 of 24 is taking. way. too. long.
Krista,
Kerri was a bit like you, too; a bunch of good guy friends (most of them mutual to us both) before we got married. The change has been hard for her to adjust to at times. And I think you’ve got the most important part down: communication. The more open you and your spouse are the better. The truth isn’t always easy, but it’s always the better choice.
Ann,
You’ll have to talk to my social coordinator.
We’ve got Serenity on order from the library, but your TV is much nicer than ours.
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First off I must state my love for both Firefly and the characters Zoe and Wash. I adore them; they’re perhaps my favorite fictional couple of all time.
Second, to your question – I think yes, it is possible to have close relationships with persons of the opposite gender while married/in a long-term relationship. I have close relationships with persons of either gender and I’ve been in my current relationship for over two years – the same applies to my boyfriend, and there’s been no jealousy between us regarding the opposite gender. In fact, the only jealously that has cropped up at all was on my side, over him and another fellow – but ours in a unique situation I suppose (other than me, he has only been with guys and other than him I have only dated girls).
As for Zoe, Mal and Wash specifically I can understand where Wash is coming from but I think overall, especially after the events of that episode, Zoe’s relationship with both men is both healthy and touching. I like the fact that she and Mal can have a such a close connection that is in no way sexual, based purely on trust and mutual respect. Gender shouldn’t be a determining factor in who your friends are.