Author Archives: Mommyish

Anonymous Mom: I’m A Mom, Your Neighbor, Your Friend And A Drug Addict

Anonymous Mom: Iâm A Mom, Your Neighbor, Your Friend And A Drug Addict

You know me. You trust me. I’m a normal-looking stay at home mom who seems to do the best things for her kids. I nursed my babies. I fed them organic baby food. I dressed them in adorable outfits. But, if I’ve been in your home (and why wouldn’t I be?), I’ve tried to steal or have actually stolen from you. I’ve looked in your medicine cabinets, your nightstand drawers, your linen closets – anywhere and everywhere I could think of that could contain drugs. I am white. I seem totally in control. I could be your sister, your friend, your neighbor, or the mother of your kid’s friend. And I am a drug addict. More »

The ‘Pregnant Weightlifter’s’ Body Is Back For Everyone To Have An Opinion On

The âPregnant Weightlifterâsâ Body Is Back For Everyone To Have An Opinion On

I wrote about the lovely Lea-Ann Ellison when she posted photographs of herself lifting weights while she was pregnant and people all over the world furrowed their brows and wrung their hands together and exclaimed WHY WON’T SHE THINK OF HER UNBORN BAYBAYYYYYYY even though she was lifting under the care of her trainer and her doctor. Well, Lea-Ann is back and posting amazingly adorable snaps of her new little son Skyler. More »

School Officials Concerned About Self-Mutilating ‘Eraser Challenge’ Have Clearly Never Met Idiot Kids Before

School Officials Concerned About Self-Mutilating âEraser Challengeâ Have Clearly Never Met Idiot Kids Before

I get that parents need to be informed, but sometimes I am so eye-rolly about the supposed dangerous trends that kids are coming up with these days. NEWSFLASH, parents: Unless you have 100% blocked out your own childhood, we have all done these stupid things before. Kids been doing stupid things since the dawn of time, which is why this latest “eraser challenge” outbreak should come as no surprise More »

10 Reasons Why It’s Great Pregnancy Lasts 10 Months

10 Reasons Why Itâs Great Pregnancy Lasts 10 Months

Oh, you didn’t know pregnancy takes 10, not nine, months? Welcome to the first reason: there is a ton of stuff to learn. For example, a baby generally gestates for 40 weeks, give or take. That’s more than nine months, for any non-math people out there. But growing your knowledge, like growing your baby, is only half the fun. Read on for all the reasons why it’s great that pregnancy lasts 10 months. More »

It’s Time To Vote For The Mommyish & STFU Parents March Mayhem Photo Contest!

Itâs Time To Vote For The Mommyish & STFU Parents March Mayhem Photo Contest!

Are you ready to do some voting and spam your friends and family demanding that they vote for your entries in the Mommyish and STFU Parents March Mayhem photo contest? I am so glad that we don’t have to pick a winner and we can leave all this up to you lovely readers because I would vote for every single one of these kids. Without further ado, here all all of the awesome entries, in no particular order. More »

10 Dangerous Things Kids Eat That Won’t Kill Them

10 Dangerous Things Kids Eat That Wonât Kill Them

As attentive and quick as I am, my toddler is like a mini ninja at stuffing small objects into his mouth and then clamping down so tight I need a flashlight, magnifying glass and the jaws of life to see what he’s chomping on. I’m learning that kids are sturdier than they look, but there are still things he gets a hold of that freak me out. More »

Dad Claims He Slept While 100 Teens Partied So Hard Five Ended Up In The Hospital

Dad Claims He Slept While 100 Teens Partied So Hard Five Ended Up In The Hospital

I love sleeping. Let’s get that out of the way first. Sleep may be the very best, along with cupcakes, kittens, and reading really good books. I’m not trying to sleep-shame anyone here, because I love sleep and I would marry sleep if I could and it is my best friend. That being said, as much as I love sleep I am terrible at doing it, I rarely sleep and I wake up very easily. Which is why I have such a hard time buying the story from this dad in Winter Park, Florida, who claims he slept through a banger that his 16-year-old daughter hosted at their house, with over 100 attendees. More »

New Study Claims Leaving Kids In Strollers Too Long Is Harmful And That Moms Are Idiots

New Study Claims Leaving Kids In Strollers Too Long Is Harmful And That Moms Are Idiots

Because I’m a fancy and well-respected journalist mommy blogger, I am obligated to bring all you parents the news regarding important scientific studies that will help you raise your babies in a healthy and productive manner. I am also here to totally make fun of these dumb studies because they are always written with a heaping dose of assumptions that all parents are idiots and that we have no idea what we are doing. So first, the facts that none of you didn’t know already… More »

10 Steps To Getting Knocked Up The Beyoncé Way, Courtesy Of Bill O’Reilly

10 Steps To Getting Knocked Up The Beyoncé Way, Courtesy Of Bill OâReilly

My eyes have rolled right out of my head so it is very difficult to write this, so if you notice any typos or mistakes please forgive me. It’s just that I wrote this while listening to Beyoncé and I am currently pregnant right now or something, because that is what Bey does to women and young girls, she encourages us to spread our legs and have the nearest roaming P come right on in our V and give us a baby. At least according to Bill O’Reilly, who told Russell Simmons when he was a guest on his show that Bey’d video for Partition ‘glorifies having sex in the back of a limousine,’ and then warmed to his point saying, ‘Teenage girls look up to Beyoncé, particularly girls of color. She’s an idol to them,” he continued. “I’m saying: Why on earth would this woman do that? ’Why would she do it when she knows the devastation that unwanted pregnancies – and fractured families – why would Beyoncé do that?’ More »