May 27, 2008 by Kristina Chew, PhD
Filed under Parenting, Safety
Last Saturday night, May 25th, a 10 year old autistic boy wandered from his home in Graham, NC, and was struck by a train. WCNC news reports that police were looking for him when he was struck.
I think of the street I pass occasionally with the sign proclaiming “Autistic Child” and I wonder, is there any thing we can do to keep a child truly safe?
[...] Sometimes It Just Seems You Can’t Be Too Safe On May 25th, a 10 year old autistic boy wandered from his home in Graham, NC, and was struck by a train. [...]
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Jeff lives in New York with his wife Jill and two small sons. He is the author of Alex: The Fathering of a Preemie and Alex the Boy: Episodes From a Family’s Life With Autism, and maintains a sit... more
Jill used to write frequently about food, until having kids made writing frequently impossible. She is the author of "Have a Nice Trip," first published in Brain, Child Magazine, which is her resp... more
Jeff Stimpson
Jill Cornfield
One thing I fear often. Very sad story.
Very, very sad.
We try to do the best we can at predicting all the imaginable dangers, but no one can be perfect. I know the parents of Ashley who drowned a week ago had double locks on their doors and windows and a fence around their back yard and they watched her like a hawk, better than most of the rest of us. And yet she still was able to get out of their yard and through the neighbor’s fence around their pool.
I have a hard time finding a balance between the teaching I do for Alex and then maybe scaring him too much when I warn him of specific dangers…I don’t want to cause anxiety, but I want him to know what can happen.
The worse phrase of late is “keeping you safe”. I do not have the powers to keep anyone safe, not my self, my children, my husband, nobody. We cannot keep people safe. Accidents and other terrible events conspire against the goal to KEEP you safe. Cloying and unrealistic.
This terrifies me. L was 18 mo when he wandered away the first time, while being watched by 5 moms during a playgroup. I found him walking down the side of the road!!! Lately both my boys , 2 and 3yrs have figured out the locks on the front and back doors, so we have been beefing up the locks, putting them up very high so they can’t be reached by even our very tall 3yr old. This summer a local non prof group that helps families with children with disabilites do safety and mobility improvements to their homes is going to be fencing in our back yard so they can be safe outside. Safer, at least. Not that they would ever be out there alone, anyways. We are also putting in a play system in the yard so we can play at home, the park is scarry when you have 2 that both wander and have no fear, not to mention one who has very high pain tollerances. I never know when he gets a bump how serious it is because he might not cry or tell me.
As I think you know my son who has a diagnosis of Autistic Disorder, with profound developmental delays, once left our home, while I was the sole adult home, and wandered across a busy main street while I was on a business call. I thought I would hear any door open but I did not. He did not understand the dangers he faced in crossing that road. It ended well because a Good Samaritan stopped and saw him into a convenience store on the other side of the street. The GS stayed until I arrived after calling 911 but then turned and left without waiting to be thanked for possibly saving my son’s life.
Parents and the public should be aware that some autistic children do not understand dangers posed by trains, automobiles,swimming pools etc. While such tragedies take other children as well, children who lack understanding of the dangers, such as SOME autistic children, are particularly at risk. I have commented on my blog site several times about autistic children AND adults who wander away lost. Sometimes the stories end well, as in my son’s case. Sometimes they do not as in this case.
I am not a fearful person. But when I realized my son was missing I felt more fear, more intensely, than all the fear I had ever felt before …. and more guilt. It happened on my watch.
The third intense feeling which stays with me every day is thankfullness that my son’s story ended well, that he is with us still. And with that, gratitude to the stranger who may have saved his life.
Some autistic children are particularly at risk from such dangers. Families will probably want to look at enhanced security systems for their homes and instruction and programs aimed at teaching understanding of dangers. But increased vigilance by parents and caregivers is an absolute must.
I’m very glad your son was unharmed Harold.
This is such a terrible, sad story. It can be difficult to look after children who have physical abilities well in advance of their understanding of traffic/people danger. My son has become much better at walking along a pavement, but I still need to be right beside him at all times as he could (and has) dashed off onto a road if something catches his interest. I have a disabled parking badge, which helps at times.
My son has also just learnt to open our front door, so I now use the mortice lock and carry the key with me so he’s not able to go out without my noticing. Thankfully, we live on a quiet street but even so…
A memorial service was held for Jacob Smiley on Tuesday.
We used to have chimes on the front and back doors—-that helped a lot. I had to give up on ever finding a lock that was too high for Charlie—he’s taller than me now—-and he can always find any hidden keys.
We are looking for a new place to live/rent and we seem to have figured out what is needed and not: First floor. Window looking into the front so we can see Charlie. Quiet street with minimal traffic.
I remember your story about Connor being missing, Harold—-every time I hear a story like that (and a couple are noted in a book I’m almost finished with, A Real Boy), my mind goes through a checklist of what we need to do.
We still have the child safety locks on the car doors and I have started to put a card with my cell number on it in Charlie’s pocket when we are in busy places like the city. Thinking pre-emptively is so necessary.
We have chimes on our doors too. It helps a bit. Lots of locks. We also keep reminding him over and over and over what’s dangerous. Still, he did once get all the way to the road (like Harold, on my watch) and came within 20 feet of being hit by a school bus. Terrifying. My vigelance hit an all time high this year.
At one point Eleanor was an escape artist and I had my own panic stricken moment looking for her. We also had bells, locks and sensors on the doors. This is also a time when we distributed notices to the neighbors. This is when she was 4.
One thing that we did add was instructional programs to teach telling someone when she wanted to go out, where you go and where you don’t, traffic safety (we live close to a busy avenue) and am now working on finding directions and what to do when lost. She has not eloped in years, tells me when she wants to go out, and although it is is always a knock on wood situation, so far, so good.
This is a genuine question, esp. to Harold–has such programming been included in your son’s behavioral program, and if so, what components have you found to be effective/not, and why? I am really curious how this is being addressed, because it is real concern and survival skill.
In Howard county, MD—17 year old Howard Davenport McGill has been missing since Tuesday evening.
Hey, at least Charlie’s a good swimmer! Maybe he could get a job as a lifeguard, later on.
Really, one of the best things you can do for your kid is to teach him to swim. My parents decided to do this after I almost drowned at age 5. I wish they’d started sooner.
I completely agree—especially as I never learned to swim till after Charlie did!
We rigged up an alarm with one of the personal alarms from Radio Shack. It has a loop of strong string tied to the pull out tab and attaches to the door knob. If our daughter pulls the door it is on open, there is an earsplitting screech.
Luckily she is terrified of it and she won’t go near a door it is on.
We came up with this after she figured out how to work all of the locks and wandered down the street. We’re lucky that our neighbors have a child who is 18, autistic, and grew up here. People know to stop her and call us.
I just read of this case where a family in Las Vegas with 8 kids did not notice their disabled 4 year old missing at dinner or bedtime and 17 hours later found him dead in the car.
Father Speaks About Son’s Death In Car
Father Says Son Was Not Missed At Dinner Time
http://www.fox5vegas.com/news/16564186/detail.html#-
These are such sad stories. My heart goes out to both families.
The boy in car report is especially painful because the child apparently died through neglect, begging the question of how happy his life was to begin with. My son is the centre of my universe and it breaks my heart to think children like him could be treated this way.
The boy I work with is a determined escapologist - his Mum uses heavy duty door bolts with built in combination locks.