# 21. Top Three Things

Top Three Things, TTT, is a special vacation series. This are items designed to get you some help by telling the other people in a new mother’s life what to do. I was the oldest child in my family. Being bossy comes naturally to me.

Today’s TTT contains three things siblings can and should do to help their sisters when a new baby comes on the scene.

Congratulations! You are an aunt or uncle. The greatest thing about being an aunt or uncle is that you get to have fun with the kids without having to take any more responsibility than you want to. That said, you share some particular life experiences with your sister that are truly valuable right now and those shared life experiences can help you help your sister adjust to motherhood.

1. Stick handle your parents. For non-Canadians “stick handling” is a hockey term we use to mean “manage the details” of a project or group of people. You know your parents every bit as well as your sister. You know what they do that annoys, that grates on the nerves and bothers both you and her. Your sister, flooded with hormones, may not be able to handle those things right now. When you see your parents start to get on her nerves, move in and separate or diffuse with a well-timed joke, interruption or suggest a little break. The last thing anyone wants at this time is a family squabble.

2. Offer sympathy. Speaking of squabbles, no parent is perfect. Every parenting mistake your parents ever made with you and your siblings is now first and foremost in your sister’s mind while she tries to do a better job. Since you were there, being screwed up in exactly the same way as your sister, you can relate to her concerns more than anyone else on the planet. Listen to her, comfort her and try to keep things constructive. If you are both dealing with a past of abuse, for example, try to get your sister to talk about the strategies she plans to use for dealing with anger with her children, rather than dwelling on the past.

3. Play with your other nieces and nephews. At your house. Or somewhere else. Both my brother, the bachelor, and my sister, pregnant mother of one, made a special effort to entertain my three year-old seperately while we were at home. It gave him a break from the general baby craziness and reminded him that there is an entire family with enough love to give everyone.