Another Look at Dads

The most stressful time in a marriage, you may have heard is after a baby is born into that relationship. Based on my own experience and other women’s anecdotes it’s really the birth of the second child that brings with it the onset of olympic stress. With the second child, both partners are well and truly trapped. My husband is a great dad and that knowledge gets me through most of the daily crap that has found it’s way into our relationship. 

That said, I once asked for advice from single mothers in this space. I wanted to know what it was like for mothers whose marriages don’t make it. And, do you know what? Their lives as single mothers aren’t tragedies. In fact, there is no reason to believe that a single mother can’t raise children in a happy, productive and successful home. Echoing my conviction is a review of Peggy Drexler’s book, Raising Boys Without Men is in the Guardian.

Drexler followed 60 families of sons raised by single mothers for ten years. She thinks the rest of us have a lot to learn from them.

• ‘We have a vocal group who want to keep things the same and to deify the ideal family. But coming from a traditional family is not in and of itself going to make a boy into a moral, law-abiding, decent person or a good husband or a good father,’ she told the Guardian. 

Drexler has many critics, but I don’t think the central argument is a bad one. My father died when I was 15 and I think my younger brother, sister and I have all grown up to become decent people. Granted, my father was dead. We didn’t feel rejected by his leaving nor did my mother give us any indication that we were a burden she had to carry alone. 

Death is not divorce, but when either event happens to a family, it is important for all parties to remember one thing: Just because life doesn’t happen the way you planned, does not mean that things can’t turn out for the best.