“But I Want A Lot”

I’ve been thinking a lot about the Unicef report on the state of the world’s wealthier children. In particular, I’ve been thinking about it in terms of the old phrase “money doesn’t buy happiness.”

According to the NPR article on the study, British and American children are the worst off of the best off:

• The United States fared worst of all 21 countries in health and safety, measured by rates of infant mortality and accidents and injuries.
• The United States and Britain were lowest overall in the category of behavior and risks, meaning that American and British children are more likely to use drugs, drink alcohol and be sexually active than children elsewhere.
• Professor Jonathan Bradshaw from the University of York in England led the research into the project. He was scathing about the failures of successive British governments.
• “We’ve failed to invest in child health, in child education, in child care,” Bradshaw says. “It’s the result of neglect, which other countries have not done… they’ve just spent more on their children, despite the fact they’re not as rich as we are.”

I live in Europe. Growing up in Canada, I was taught (or came to believe some other way) that Germany’s social programs were superior to our own in every way. Now that I live here, I am shocked that young married women can’t find jobs because employers are worried about covering the cost of the 4 month’s salary she is entitled to when taking maternity leave. Now that my son has started “kindergarten” I am surprised that it costs so much when our income taxes are so high. I am surprised that chilren from age six spent so few hours a day in school and that parents have to buy text books and other supplies.

No, there is something else that makes children vulnerable to unhappiness and I think it is the dual forces of advertising and materialism, two forces that are stronger in the US and UK than in other countries (Canada didn’t do particularly well in the report either), but not for long.

The “want me, buy me!” messages are everywhere and spreading. On subway platforms, on school buses and even in schools themselves. There is no break from commercial messages and what we have is a more important currency of status than who we are. The epidemic of advertising is spreading rapidly and the less effected countries are becoming more vulnerable. Some people aren’t drowning in things, but it is a struggle to keep it that way.

I’ve been to the Netherlands and one of the first things I noticed was how small the houses in that country are. It doesn’t mean that that the people are poorer, but that they have to think about where to put what they have. On a houseboat, if one thing comes aboard, another thing has to go.

Now that my son is four, we’ve been able to help him learn to control his desires through putting them off. No toys until Christmas or your birthday, but now he wants to negotiate for Easter.

“I want a new engine and an airplane for Easter, and chocolates,” he said on a recent shopping trip.

“You don’t get a lot of presents for Easter,” I told him. I was prepared for the long discussion.

“But I want a lot,” he said and ran off.

I am not giving in on this. I am desperate to teach my kids the difference between “I want” and “I need.” It means tantrums. It means argument. It means teenage nonsense in the future, I know it. I know the emotional pressure to give in will always be amazing. Still, it’s a good problem to have. Having unhappy children in wealthy countries is nothing compared to having starving children in poor ones.