Choose Your Obsessions Wisely

I am thinking about post partum depression (PPD) a lot these days.

There is so much media on the subject that I could post on the topic every day. The reason I don’t is because I think parents, and society as a whole, are forgetting that having a baby is a happy event. These new people bring joy, fresh hope for the entire planet, a chance for a family to multiply its capacity for love.

That said, it is often hard to separate symptoms of post partum depression from the normal sensitivies of becoming a mother. There’s a joke circulating on the internet about pacifier use and birth order. You probably know it. The first kid drops a pacifier and it gets sterilized before it goes back in the mouth, the second kid’s dirty soother gets washed with soap and water, the third gets it wiped on the shirt and the fourth just gets the plug put directly back in his or her mouth.

To me, the joke isn’t about slacking off. It’s about learning to separate the trivia from what is important. The fourth kid in the joke probably has a more laid back personality (and a stronger immune system) than the first. Still, you can’t blame the parents for thinking that their first child is as fragile as an egg. 

Parenthood is a transformation. I has a social conscience before I became a mother, but once I had a child my concern for the world became much stronger because I have to worry about the life our children will have when I am gone. The environment, safety of the food supply, pollution, war, government debt are all elements of life over which I have little direct control and yet, they effect our daily existence. Many new mothers take these big worries and try to fragment them into what I call protection tasks. These are little actions meant to protect the child from the world that, in the end, just make life more difficult because both mother and child are ultimately prevented from engaging with friends, family and society fully. 

I am not sure if this growing sensitivity is a normal part of the maternal transformation, or if it is the “obsessive thinking” listed on typical symptoms of PPD. There is a difference between choosing to eat only organic food to avoid pesticide residue and preventing grandparents from kissing the baby to avoid germs.

I think every mother is entitled to one big obsession, one major protective task that can become her issue to fight for. But, to worry about every little thing, is not protecting your child. It’s preventing him or her from exploring and enjoying the world. And that, denies all of us. 

What’s your biggest concern about the world since becoming a mother?