Does Having Children Hurt Marriages?

A study has just come out from the University of Denver that states they’ve discovered those that have children and are married seem to have more problems in their married lives then those that have no children. What do you think about this?

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90% of marital bliss dies 1 year after the birth of a child. (that’s what the study shows) Why would this be? I can see where they can be getting this. Many times those that have a child right after getting married suffer from not living with one another long enough before the birth of a child. Another could be the fact the baby has colic, ear infection, teething or many other issues that go with the first year. Moms sometimes get postpartum depression and dads don’t realize when it happens, instead they butt heads.  One big issue is there is never enough alone time, or time for intimacy.

So what are some possible scenarios?
-  lack of time together
-  postpartum depression
-  money issues
-  parenting differences 

What are some other scenarios?  While the report states more marriages are hurt by children, it also states there is less of a divorce rate. Why would this be? Some would believe it is because when a person gets married they try making it work, especially when children are involved. Sometimes some believe adding a child to the mix will help save a marriage and some think a family will fight to stay together as long as there is something there. Most of the time that something is a child.

Reasons for Divorce:
-  frustration from not having kids
-  feeling alone
-  someone cheats
-  can’t agree
-  lies
-  money issues
-  growing apart

The research also showed steeper declines in happiness if the mother’s parents were divorced, if the couple lived together before marriage and if the first baby was a girl.

For those wanting to read the article go to the Denver Post, but in the meantime lets talk about ways to help a marriage after the birth of a baby.

Communication: Believe it or not both most communicate for any marriage to survive. There is always one person in the marriage that loves to hear what the other thinks, if this wasn’t true no marriage would survive.

Love: I’m not saying just love someone, I’m saying show them that you love them. Go out and spend time with them, do something they love to do even if you hate doing it. Watch a movie, walk the block, go bowling, watch a wrestling program, go dancing, etc. Send him/her flowers just because, get an item they’ve wanted but you know they won’t ask for. Tell them you love them. Did you know most married couples stop saying the words, “I love you,” because they believe the other should say it first or just figure the other knows. It really does make a world of difference to the other person when you say those three magic words.

Have sex: Sex isn’t just about sex. This can be as intimate as you can make it or a chore. Do NOT make it a chore, if it becomes a chore figure out what is wrong. He/she may feel they have to do it because it is what you want them to do. Instead, try going back into the days of courting. You remember the days of trying to persuade him/her that you were the one? The talks, walks, flowers, the touches…it all added up to the one moment when the two of you connected. Someone might be feeling down or pushed aside now that the baby/child is here. Don’t forget, it isn’t just the intercourse, but it is the touching, kissing, necking, etc. Foreplay may really help, some say it doesn’t but others say it does. You never know until you try.

Write Notes: Notes seem to be a thing of the past, only problem is it really isn’t. Back in school you probably passed notes back and forth or wrote some type of emails. These days its the quick, “Honey we need milk” or “When will you be home.” Stop for a few minutes and write a quick note. Bring back your youth and you just might be surprised how it improves your marriage.

Having a baby doesn’t necessarily mean your marriage has to suffer, figure out the things that are pulling the two of you apart and fix them.