It’s All in How You Say Goodbye
November 3, 2006 by kate baggott
Filed under Mental Health
I don’t want my baby to cry when I leave the house in the morning. I want her to know that I have made excellent care decisions, that she is safe and that it is not disloyal for her to enjoy herself when I’m gone.
So, when I leave the house I don’t say “Oh, I wish I didn’t have to go. I want to stay home and be with you. How I shall miss you every moment that we are apart.”
“Have a good day! I’ll see you later,” I say with a kiss and a smile.
And really, I don’t think about her very much while I am gone. Except when I am boring colleagues and students to sleep with stories about my kids. I wonder if she tells the babysitter stories about me over lunch?
I find the same truth applies to everything we do and say – attitude and where we focus our emotional energy really does set the tone and direction for what follows… Great post!
Hugs,
Holly
Holly’s Corner
Thanks Holly. You made my day.
Very good advice about making the goodbye talk all postitive and avoiding the negatively charged words.
Routines help a lot, too. We have a definite routine when we leave the house when our daughter is awake. Hug, kiss, one high five with each hand and then she waves from the window as we drive away. We very rarely have trouble when we do the routine correctly. She is used to the routine and it makes it much easier on us when she doesn’t protest us leaving the house.
You’re right Mike.
Routines are great for any transition through the day. There are stages in child development, though, when all transitions become more difficult for kids to deal with. Even then, the more defined the routine, the more quickly the phase passes.