Married Life
March 23, 2006 by kate baggott
Filed under Mental Health
I’ve been away from my husband for over three weeks now. It has made me appreciate him and everything that he does for the kids so much more. I think it’s been a good break for the perspective its given me.
One of the most stressful times in a relationship is after a baby comes into that relationship. According to many friends of mine (and my own experience), the stress is much, much worse after the second baby arrives.
I’ve been taking some of this time to brush up on my relationship skills. I know I don’t argue fairly, I lose my temper, I don’t stick to the subject and I can’t seem to keep past hurts out of the way.
I found Communications Basics for Couples on Homemakers.com and found it a good refresher in how to talk to my mate when things get rough.
Article author and therapist Carole-Anne Vatcher offers 7 basic tips, which I hope I can remember even when I am most stressed out:
- 1. Use “I” not “You”
- 2. Relax
- 3. Be respectful
- 4. Remember it’s a relationship, not a court of law
- 5. Interrupt when needed
- 6. Ask and you shall recieve
- 7. Figure out what the deeper issue really is
Since I communicate for a living, I am often surprised at how fast my communication skills fall apart as soon as I mix a little anger and passion. I guess that’s how I add stress to my romantic partnership.
How do you deal with your relationship stresses?
oh kate! good tips! communication is the key! Also rememering to wait when the flames of anger have died down a little!
Having this baby forced me into no.6 in a big way – that one was really hard for me to do! I felt like I was failing if I couldn’t balance doing everything myself, all the things I was doing before( cleaning, groceries, cooking really healthy good meals on a regular basis), the new baby, my own recovery – and then trying to direct my mom’s health crisis from a distance! What a learning curve this has been!
ok- here it gets a little sentimental!
This has really deepened our relationship far beyond anywhere we were before. Seeing K’s compassion and understanding, how much he was willing to help, how scared he was when things were complicated in the hospital…honestly it has made me love him and appreciate him more than I ever have before. It actually really brought home to me how lucky we have been with each other. We have had a lot of challenges this year – and actually it has made us much stronger.
I hope the same for you!