Comments on: More Silence on Sex and the New Mother http://www.blisstree.com/babylune/more-silence-on-sex-and-the-new-mother/ Adventures in post-partum recovery. Sun, 06 Dec 2009 15:04:40 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: kbaggott http://www.blisstree.com/babylune/more-silence-on-sex-and-the-new-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-1995 kbaggott Fri, 15 Jun 2007 04:15:00 +0000 http://www.babylune.com/more-silence-on-sex-and-the-new-mother/#comment-1995 Rey- As a writer myself, I have learned that it is easiest to work within the confines of the genre I am working in at the moment. In this case, that genre is blogging which is as much about opinion. as screen writing is about the three-act structure. I am entitled to express mine, you are entitled to express yours. Since you're basically a blog tourist and don't have the personal experience of parenthood or marriage to use as a frame of reference, I think you should read Esther's book, buy it, get married, have some children and dedicate yourself to understanding the instincts required by the lifestyle. And, then, once you've found out that there are indeed some frames of reference to work from, open yourself, your work, your life to the world and feel free to discuss your fears, your assumptions, and even your knee-jerk reactions. And maybe you will find some value in the process, perhaps even some thoughtful discussion. These are the comforts in dealing with the massive changes after people become parents and dedicate themselves to the care and needs and protection of others. Rey- As a writer myself, I have learned that it is easiest to work within the confines of the genre I am working in at the moment. In this case, that genre is blogging which is as much about opinion. as screen writing is about the three-act structure. I am entitled to express mine, you are entitled to express yours.

Since you’re basically a blog tourist and don’t have the personal experience of parenthood or marriage to use as a frame of reference, I think you should read Esther’s book, buy it, get married, have some children and dedicate yourself to understanding the instincts required by the lifestyle.

And, then, once you’ve found out that there are indeed some frames of reference to work from, open yourself, your work, your life to the world and feel free to discuss your fears, your assumptions, and even your knee-jerk reactions. And maybe you will find some value in the process, perhaps even some thoughtful discussion. These are the comforts in dealing with the massive changes after people become parents and dedicate themselves to the care and needs and protection of others.

]]> By: Rey http://www.blisstree.com/babylune/more-silence-on-sex-and-the-new-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-1983 Rey Thu, 14 Jun 2007 22:23:30 +0000 http://www.babylune.com/more-silence-on-sex-and-the-new-mother/#comment-1983 Hi, very interesting blog and comments, thanks for hosting it all. I confess that I'm neither married nor a parent. I'm on here doing research for a screenplay. But I do have a message for kbaggot: As a writer, I spend a great deal of time and mental energy on people, and on their relationships, habits, motivations, responses, etc. So when I read your statement that you are "ready to discredit every word of [Esther Perel's book 'Mating in Captivity']" and that you "can never read [Esther's] book", I perceive that what motivates that statement is 0% reason and 100% fear-based resistance. Fear of what? Of the possibility that Esther's right. I'm not saying that she IS right, or that you're wrong. I'm just saying that the knee-jerk nature of your response indicates that you sense that reading her book may constructively challenge a great deal of the fear-based assumptions that you currently maintain about the topic. So read it. And as you read it, don't react against it. Instead, keep an open mind. Let her message find its place in your mind. Doing so won't do any harm, to you, your husband, or your kids. Continuing to close your mind to contrarian ideas is guaranteed to. That's all. Lots of love from me. Hi, very interesting blog and comments, thanks for hosting it all. I confess that I’m neither married nor a parent. I’m on here doing research for a screenplay. But I do have a message for kbaggot: As a writer, I spend a great deal of time and mental energy on people, and on their relationships, habits, motivations, responses, etc. So when I read your statement that you are “ready to discredit every word of [Esther Perel's book 'Mating in Captivity']” and that you “can never read [Esther's] book”, I perceive that what motivates that statement is 0% reason and 100% fear-based resistance. Fear of what? Of the possibility that Esther’s right. I’m not saying that she IS right, or that you’re wrong. I’m just saying that the knee-jerk nature of your response indicates that you sense that reading her book may constructively challenge a great deal of the fear-based assumptions that you currently maintain about the topic. So read it. And as you read it, don’t react against it. Instead, keep an open mind. Let her message find its place in your mind. Doing so won’t do any harm, to you, your husband, or your kids. Continuing to close your mind to contrarian ideas is guaranteed to. That’s all. Lots of love from me.

]]> By: Babylune - Lost Libido? Normal Sex After Childbirth http://www.blisstree.com/babylune/more-silence-on-sex-and-the-new-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-1225 Babylune - Lost Libido? Normal Sex After Childbirth Thu, 04 Jan 2007 13:34:39 +0000 http://www.babylune.com/more-silence-on-sex-and-the-new-mother/#comment-1225 [...] Sex. I hate talking about it, but “new mother + sex” is a rather popular search term on the Internet. This is an era when a feminist should be able to talk about anything. I imagine many searchers are new mothers who are wondering when desire will return, when they will be able to relax and not think about what had to be stitched back together. Other searchers are probably men, like my husband, who will find the one or two references that contradict the conventional wisdom of waiting 6 to 8 weeks after the birth.  [...] [...] Sex. I hate talking about it, but “new mother + sex” is a rather popular search term on the Internet. This is an era when a feminist should be able to talk about anything. I imagine many searchers are new mothers who are wondering when desire will return, when they will be able to relax and not think about what had to be stitched back together. Other searchers are probably men, like my husband, who will find the one or two references that contradict the conventional wisdom of waiting 6 to 8 weeks after the birth.  [...]

]]> By: Kate http://www.blisstree.com/babylune/more-silence-on-sex-and-the-new-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-766 Kate Tue, 10 Oct 2006 15:07:57 +0000 http://www.babylune.com/more-silence-on-sex-and-the-new-mother/#comment-766 Jill- SOmething's got to shift sooner or later... Jill- SOmething’s got to shift sooner or later…

]]> By: Babylune » “Stress Can Be a Good Thing” http://www.blisstree.com/babylune/more-silence-on-sex-and-the-new-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-765 Babylune » “Stress Can Be a Good Thing” Tue, 10 Oct 2006 13:38:41 +0000 http://www.babylune.com/more-silence-on-sex-and-the-new-mother/#comment-765 [...] I just took a look at the blog Bebestages and, this quote reminded me of my own rant about how much harder staying at home is than going work. This quote comes from a description of a day spent taking care of three children: [...] [...] I just took a look at the blog Bebestages and, this quote reminded me of my own rant about how much harder staying at home is than going work. This quote comes from a description of a day spent taking care of three children: [...]

]]> By: Jill http://www.blisstree.com/babylune/more-silence-on-sex-and-the-new-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-761 Jill Tue, 10 Oct 2006 08:37:12 +0000 http://www.babylune.com/more-silence-on-sex-and-the-new-mother/#comment-761 The title of the book was very provocative - reconciling the erotic and domestic. I mean, newborn months aside, there is that. How to feel erotic towards the man when you are washing racing stripes out of his pants. Not sexy. The pull of affairs for these men? It's the thrill of the hunt, the excitement of the unfamiliar, the lover who you haven't seen pissed off, puking, reeking of old breast milk and vomit. Too bad she apparently missed the point. Sex with Newborns? I honestly believe that we are not meant to be sexually active with newborns. How can we be expected to want sex when we are sleep deprived, hormone-tilted from breastfeeding, touched-out and only recently split open? It's nature's way of spacing out the births. I honestly believe that. And I would happily give my husband free reign with as many magazines or websites as he wants until one or two of those factors shifts. The title of the book was very provocative – reconciling the erotic and domestic. I mean, newborn months aside, there is that. How to feel erotic towards the man when you are washing racing stripes out of his pants. Not sexy. The pull of affairs for these men? It’s the thrill of the hunt, the excitement of the unfamiliar, the lover who you haven’t seen pissed off, puking, reeking of old breast milk and vomit. Too bad she apparently missed the point.

Sex with Newborns? I honestly believe that we are not meant to be sexually active with newborns. How can we be expected to want sex when we are sleep deprived, hormone-tilted from breastfeeding, touched-out and only recently split open? It’s nature’s way of spacing out the births. I honestly believe that. And I would happily give my husband free reign with as many magazines or websites as he wants until one or two of those factors shifts.

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