My Husband & His Mother-in-Law

There is only one relationship in the world, that I am not directly involved in, that worries me. That would be the relationship between my mother and my husband.

Now, the whole mother-in-law, son-in-law thing is pretty well documented. Mostly it’s a joke, sometimes it’s sad, but the stereotypes are everywhere. As surprising as you may find this revelation, this particular relationship has not always been smooth in our family.

Before I go on, let me give you a moment to absorb the shock.

My mother flew to Germany to attend the birth of our first son, who was rather late. During labor I told everyone to do exactly as I told them to, which was my right as a woman in transition. My husband replied with an inappropriate joke. My mother countered with a threat to scratch his eyes out. I told them both to shut up or I was going to throw them both out.

The incident was never mentioned between us again. After all, transition is not just for laboring women anymore. There are times in one’s life (becoming a father, becoming a grandmother) when a little tension is rather appropriate.

Fast forward to the birth of our second child. This time, my mother can’t come to the birth because she needs to stay home with our son. Everything goes smoothly until our new daughter is hospitalized with jaundice and I have to stay with her in a town about 30 minutes South of here. Over Christmas. Conditions in the hospital were not ideal, especially for parents, so I was stressed out. Our son, hopped up on toys and confusion, is a handful. My mother, in an attempt to give us a real Christmas dinner, starts slaving over a small turkey and a goose breast shortly after the boy has finished opening his presents. Meanwhile, my husband, overcome with exhaustion, returns to bed where he remains even after I have called him to say,

“Guess what? They’re discharging her! Come and get us!”

Can you see where this is going?

One of the complications is that we have a cultural disconnect in our family. Mostly, it’s nothing that millions of other families in multicultural societies don’t experience too. My husband immigrated to Canada. When we married, my family was by my side while he was one his own. As a result, no one in my birth family has ever seen my husband’s culture or met anyone from his family. In short, they don’t know where he’s coming from.  I can’t help but feel this has something to do with the tensions between my mother and my husband.

We are now preparing for our annual trek to Bulgaria, the country of my husband’s birth. This year, the week before we leave, my mother will join us in Germany. Then, we’ll all fly together. I am excited about the new era of understanding this could bring about. I am also very, very nervous about the opposite effect that could come about. Do any of you have experience in this area? What happened to you?