Once More, From the Beginning

Three weeks after the birth of my first child, I weighed a kilogram (2.2 pounds) less than I did before getting pregnant and I glowed. When I went back to the gym, my muscle memory switched on quickly and I was back at my pre-pregnancy fitness level by the time my boy was five months old.

That miracle was the result of a fit pregnancy. I walked or swam for an hour every day, I slept for about 12 hours a day, and I ate low-fat yogurt three times a day.

My second pregnancy was more difficult. For much of it, I was under orders not to stand or walk for more than 15 minutes at a time. I also had a child to care for while continuing to earn a living. By the end of my pregnancy, every had lost its tone, even my digestive system. After so many months of inactivity, I forgot that I could just go for a walk whenever I liked for as long as I liked (as long as I brought the baby and kept the weather in mind). The fitness habit had not just been broken. It was shattered.

After months of hip pain, I decided I felt good enough to go for my first jog since giving birth. It must have been about 10 days ago. I haven’t gone again because it’s taken me this long to come to terms with my frustration. I used to run 5K in just under 30 minutes. It’s not fast but, at least in my mind, it was a respectable distance in a respectable time. After more than a year on the side-lines, I was out of breath after just a few minutes. I had to do the pattern of 1-minute jog, 1-minute walk, 2-minute jog, 2-minute walk that people jogging for the first time need to do. I felt humiliated even though there was no one watching but me and my expectations.

Now though, I’ve come to terms with my fallen fitness. I am coming back from pregnancy and child birth, events that my body supported with all its strength and energies. I need to see that in a positive light. If other people can re-gain their fitness after tragic car accidents, I can start at the beginning again. If Terry Fox could decide to run across Canada after losing a leg to cancer, I can start from the beginning again. If my body can grow an entirely new person, I can accept that it needs to be treated with care rather than the expectations of who I was before I became a mother of two.

How do you feel about starting from the beginning?