Other People’s Children
November 5, 2007 by kate baggott
Filed under Baby Care, Mental Health
The big-box grocery store we favor with our family shopping every Saturday has a little play area in the middle. It’s a nice little convenience with a little slide, some rocking/bouncy cars and mechanical rides that you put coins in. It is a nice break for pre-school age kids, but parents are meant to stay and watch, you aren’t supposed to leave your kids in the enclosure while you shop….although wandering around the edges and peering in is fine.
Yesterday, there were two older girls playing at the same time as my children. They were only between 8 and 10 years old, but they were too big and too rough for the play equipment. At one point, one of the girls was rocking so ferociously that I thought a) the thing was going to tip over and hit one of my children, or b) send her flying onto her head. So, I told them, if they couldn’t play safely, they’d have to stay with their parents. I was not loud or mean, but I didn’t smile and I didn’t tactfully explain the dangers they were creating. My “nice and understanding teacher” voice just does not work on Saturdays.
I actually struggled with how to deal with the situation before I said anything. Other people’s children are none of my business. On the other hand, if something did happen, I would have been considered the responsible adult present and expected to have intervened.
The mother wasn’t far away. The girls found her very quickly and told their mother I had spoken to them. The mother gave me a dirty look, but didn’t approach so that I could explain my position. I did, though, wonder if I should have just left it. When I saw them acting up, should I have removed myself and my own children and just let them knock out their teeth? Then again, why should my children have their routine broken (we play for 10 or 15 minutes every week before we start shopping) or be robbed of their enjoyment because two older kids can’t behave? And really, it would only take one injury for the store management to make the whole play area disappear.
What would you have done if faced with other people’s misbehaving children? What would you have done if a stranger told your kids to shape up or ship out?
It is hard, isn’t it, to deal with other people’s children. We were in a somewhat similar predicament at a play area recently, only that all the parents were THERE, watching their children being really rough and bullyish and seemingly thinking that it was okay as long as they let out an occasional, “Watch out for the babies, sweetie.”
“Dirty look” doesn’t even begin to explain what I was channeling their way.
If the childrens’ actions were potentially harmful to either themselves or others, I’d say something. I’d be explanatory rather than punitive (i.e., “You are endangering both yourself and these other children, so either calm down or get off”, but I’d say something. I’m not concerned with other parents’ dirty looks.
If it becomes necessary (i.e. the other children’s parents are not stepping in) then I treat other people’s children just as I would my own. That means, I speak softly but firmly, respecting the child’s feelings but making clear the expectations. I would have intervened in the situation you described.
One exception — if it is clear to me who the children’s parents are, and there’s no immediate danger, then I speak to the parents first. And I’m not always so polite to the parents
I say something. It does tick me off when parents use the play area as a drop off. That’s not cool. If you’re upset that I talked to your kid, then you should have been in the room to catch it yourself. I don’t yell at other people’s kids, but I will correct them if they are putting themselves or other kids in danger. Or even if they’re just being out-and-out rude. I was more hesitant to do this when I was a new mom. Not so much anymore.
I don’t yell either, but I am going to try to be more explanatory rather than corrective in the future.