Push-Pull
March 5, 2006 by kate baggott
Filed under Finances, Mental Health
My brain has been demanding attention. It wants to work, to express itself. There are still diapers to change, noses to wipe, and clothes to wash. There are also stories to tell, research to conduct, strategies to build and plans to put into action.
I cannot do it all. I want to, but I have to make choices. Not big, all-consuming choices, but little ones throughout the day. Will I conduct a quick interview while the baby sleeps or will I put away the train set so I don’t trip over it? Will I write that article with the baby in my lap and correct the capitalization and punctuation later, or will I just sing to her and stay up late to do it properly the first time?
I make little choices to avoid big decisions about work and mothering. Decisions that might define me in ways I am not comfortable with. Decisions that might trap me. Decisions that would demand days or weeks of intellectual and emotional push-pull that I just don’t have the energy to deal with.
The best advice I have ever recieved applies to everything in life: “Just concentrate on loving deeply. Everything else will take care of itself.”
Oh boy can I relate to THIS post right now!
Multitasking is such an understatement at this time! I am now a compulsive list keeper to prevent my mind from slipping away. It really helps so far!
I have a list for the feedings, a list for my recovery medicines, vitamins , iron pills for anemia, the times and doses that I take them , a ‘ to – do’ list, a grocery list, a list of things needed to replenish for baby.
Now wait – did I forget something? I always feel like I have forgotten something these days!
I harken back to the article on brain growth peripartum and I understand why… there is a HUGE amount of stimulation!!