Given the discussion on my new mothers and lost libido post, a lot parents feel less interested in sex and are concerned that they are doing the deed less often. The question of just how much less sex parents have compared to what my friend describes as “normal people” has actually been quantified.

The statistics in this article (free registration required) on the Irish Unison site, make it clear why the average family size is shrinking around the Western World.

• Studies have found that there’s a 40% drop in sexual activity within the first year after a child is born, while around 70% of new parents report a change in their sexual behaviour. But it appears the biggest problem for stressed-out, exhausted parents is getting back into the swing of things after a baby comes along. Surveys carried out in the UK have found that 60% of parents have sex less than once a week and 25% less than once a month. Half of the clients using AC-CORD’s marriage counselling service are aged between 30 and 40, and 71% have children – the majority of whom are under the age of 11. Surprisingly, 24% of those who attend their counselling services seek help with sexual and intimacy problems. And a further 19% who don’t consider their sex life to be a major problem are also seeking advice.

I find comfort in these statistics. Obviously, a lot of people are worse off than I am in the sexual activity department. What I found most interesting in this article were the tips from the upcoming book The Good Marriage Guide by John Farrelly on what to do about the situation. I’ve paraphrased the tips below:

If you think the situation is serious, see a relationships counsellor.

Try to be romantic whenever you can. In other words, hold hands at the grocery store. Being able to put the kids in the shopping cart actually counts as a date in our house.

Resist the urge to criticize your partner and try to compliment them instead.

Remember that fairy tales end with “and they lived happily ever after” because they have no idea what happened after the wedding. Real life is not a story, a movie or a clip your husband watched on the Internet with the same hand he held your’s with in the dairy aisle.

(In fact, if I were writing these tips instead of just paraphrasing them in a highly entertaining way, I would tell married men to stop looking at porn in order to have more sex with their wives. If you are consuming porn, your level of sexual excitement is too much higher than your wife’s and you won’t have the emotional understanding or patience to help her catch up with you…but that’s just my opinion.)

Make sure you kiss at least once a day.

Post from: Babylune