The Woolen Tights Police
February 7, 2007 by kate baggott
Filed under Baby Care, Mental Health
Picture from http://www.preisvergleich.org
Where I live near Frankfurt, Germany, almost every parent dresses their baby in Strumpfhosen, woolen tights, between the months of October and April. Cute, eh? The go over diapers, under the snaps of the onesie, under a pair of pants, and very thick socks. Where I grew up in Canada, we didn’t wear so many clothes indoors, ever. And, in comparison, the climate here is much, much milder and I find people heat their houses to even higher temperatures. This year, the weather has been below zero about twice. So, when I see kids decked out in all those layers, all I can think about it how hot and uncomfortable their sweaty little behinds must be.
Needless to say, I do not dress my children in Strumpfhosen and most people here respect my decision. Today, though, one of the young workers at the baby’s daycare told me that she needs to have them. This, from a daycare centre so overheated that the baby was in her undershirt when I picked her up yesterday.
Perhaps, if the command had come from one of the 50 year-old caregivers instead of a very young woman fresh out of school, I wouldn’t have reacted so strongly. Perhaps if the discussion had been in English, I wouldn’t have been so upset. Perhaps if the same carer hadn’t told me a few days earlier not to give my daughter watered down juice, without knowing anything about her usual diet, I wouldn’t have felt so insulted.
So, very strongly, I told the girl that I don’t make a single parenting decision without thinking very hard and doing a lot of research. I told her that I need help taking care of my daughter while I am work, that I believe she has been well-trained and that the centre is a safe place to leave my daughter, but that I am the mother and I expect my wishes to be respected even if she doesn’t understand them.
I didn’t tell her, that while going against the crowd on the Strumpfhosen thing has always been a touchy point with me, I have been rewarded. My kids don’t get the diaper rashes and yeast infections that are so prevalent they almost define a German babyhood, and while I don’t have clinical evidence, I attribute this to not wearing Strumpfhosen and part-time elimination communication.
I spoke to the director of the centre and she says that the issue resulted from miscommunication (we were both speaking a foreign language) and that it wasn’t the intent of the carer to disrespect my choices. I said, basically, if I don’t ask for advice, don’t give it to me. No one apologised to anyone and I am not sure if its still an issue or not, but I don’t have any other care options for my daughter. We’re going away when the course I am teaching finishes and it would be a disaster to introduce a new day care situation and then end the routine altogether.
Should I just chalk this up to a bad day and leave the issue or is there something else I need to do? Daycare. Man, it never gets easier…
I’d be pissed over that too. I’m all for quaint customs, but some of them are based on traditions, which are based on long-ditched realities. I’m like, hey, indulge in some folklore on your kid, but don’t expect me to do the same on mine. The Italians also bundle up the kids based on the calendar and not on the weather and many many times I got these comments… ack.
Jill- I am actually worried that they’ll refuse to take the baby tomorrow morning when she isn’t wearing Strumpfhose and if that happens, I have to bring a law suit just to prove a point.
Strumpfhose police! When I was working in London, I had a lovely German friend called Judith. Every time I showed up to work with bare legs (as comes naturally to an Australian and isn’t viewed as a brazen or foolhardy act amongst my people, even in cooler temps) she would exclaim in horror, “keine Strumpfhose!”.
Karen - That is hilarious.
I don’t see why you can’t dress your child the way you see fit. Is it written somewhere that the Strumpfhose is required? If not, then she should just mind her own business.
Thank you for sharing this with the Carnival of Family Life.
Thanks LG. I don’t think “Kinder Strumpfhosen tragen mussen” is written down anywhere. I often forget that Europe is called the old world for a reason. Even in Germany habits are considered sacred traditions.
Being an America and, more particularly, Californian, I find the whole discussion bizarre!
So I just learned something from your post. I never had a caregiver tell me how to dress my kid. I put the clothes on him that I chose, extras in the bag, and that was that. Jeez.
Never used a cloth diaper in my life, either. Neither one ever had diaper rash and the only reason one had yeast (once) was from an antibiotic for ear infections. I didn’t know what it was and it scared me to death. The little one got thrush . . . same story. I was freaked out until the dr. calmed me down.
Thanks for including this in the Carnival of Family Life which will be posted later today. Come on by and read all the other wonderful submissions.
You might get some advice from other readers. Having never lived anywhere but California and having no understanding of German customs, I couldn’t begin to tell you what to do.
I will say, though, that I once hired a babysitter for my youngest who was from Germany. I had to fire her because she was determined to mold my son’s sleep schedule to hers. She demanded that he nap at a certain time of day, even though he was only a few months old, so that she could take her break. I told her she was a lunatic and should stop agreeing to watch babies, sticking with toddlers whose schedules can be molded as I gathered my baby and walked out the door.
JHS- I am looking forward to the carnival and thanks so much for your comments.
I think you have every right as a mom to stand up and tell them that YOU are the mom. Good for you! Here from the CFL.:O)
Thanks Mary!
I don’t see why she would care so much about your choice not to dress your child in strumpfhose. I think you had every right to be ticked off.
Here via the carnival of family life.
Customs are definitely different in other countries. Sometimes it is easily to get offended or lose some translation even when visiting a restaurant in the US.
I’m sure the daycare director will speak to the teacher and ask her to respect your wishes. When you go back, things will probably be blown over. I don’t think I’d consider switching her to a new daycare unless there are continual problems.
My daughter is so hot natured that, bless her heart, she has a sweat ring around her carseat! I get looks all the time when we go out and she doesn’t have the “right” attire for the weather. If I were to put thick socks and shoes plus a coat on her most days, she would be drenched in sweat before we ever got anywhere. So many times, I just put a hoodie on her and regular socks and some sort of light shoe or sandle. I almost told one stranger that says something to me that at least she doesn’t get sick from colds like everyone else does.
So THAT’s what they’re called. I’ve been wondering what’s up with the tights on all the toddlers around here.
I had been wondering about these tights, as they COMPLETELY confused me at the doctor’s office during my baby’s first vaccinations at the kinderartz. I was waiting the required 30 minutes after the shot, and there was another child in the room. I thought it was a girl, because of the tights! Then the mom changed the child’s diaper (probably 18 months old or so), and I saw it was a boy!!!
I, too, live in Frankfurt, and I will not at any time be putting tights on my baby (boy)! He is hot all of the time anyway, so why would I over-heat him? And my midwife did not mention it to me, so I am certain it is not a problem!
Oh– and you were totally in the right. As long as you are meeting the needs of your child, no care provider is in a position to tell you how to raise the child.
Blythe & Maria- One of the things you’ll notice is that Germans place a premium on being “normal” which generally means not standing out from the others. That is true with parenting too.
I already stand out most of the time, because I often times do not wear a jacket even in the winter! And don’t get me started at people staring at my very tall black husband…
I’ll just keep on keeping on with how I raise my son and allow the Germans to shake their heads and mumble that I am a crazy American. LOL!