What Adoption Usually Looks Like
October 18, 2006 by kate baggott
Filed under Mommy Extras
Babylune is about the recovery of biological mothers from childbirth. That doesn’t mean that I think giving birth is the only way to become a mother.
I love to complain about what celebrities have that I don’t as much as anyone else but, I also know when to say something different. Something like – leaving 21 million AIDS orphans to take care of themselves in Africa is an extremely bad idea.
Still, adoption is not an act of rescue or of charity any more than having a child biologically is.
This, I have learned from reading other mothers’ blogs.
So, if you are inspired by Madonna’s latest addition to her family to learn more about what adoption usually looks like, I recommend these blogs by adoptive mothers who share how their families were put together:
Holly’s Corner features daily updates from the life of a mother in an open adoption with both of her children’s birth mothers. Holly’s Corner is also featured as this week’s Blog Jolt.
Natalie China is one mother’s story of bringing her daughter home from China. The site features links to other blogs on this experience too.
And, finally, Chookooloonks is not an adoption blog. It’s just one of the facts of life. And, life, has lots and lots of facts.
Thank you thank you for the nice jolt! My 5 minutes of fame is officially burned being named in the same post as celebs and other great bloggers!! Seriously, thank you so much for the plug on my blog and on the topic so near and dear to my heart strings. ;o)
Hugs,
Holly
Holly’s Corner
I think everyone needs to think more clearly about adoption and the fact that you were the Joltee this week totally inspired this post.
So what do you think of Madonna’s adoption?
Personally, I don’t understand why so many people are against it. I think that part of her choice was probably prompted by wanting to help a kid who would otherwise have nothing. And I think probably she thought she’d be less likely to have a situation where the adoption would be contested later, given her celebrity. I understand that there are needy kids close to home, but I don’t understand why people are so down on this international adoption, when international adoptions are a totally valid and important option out there to families trying to adopt. I assume that some people think she’s “buying a baby” – but why is her international adoption put in such crass terms? I don’t know why she’s getting such a hard time about this. And who are we to judge whether she “needs” another kid, if that’s one of the issues.
Just wondering what others thought.
Sorry if I’ve highjacked!
Probably, the best thing for Africa would be for couples who want to be parents more than anything else in the world, to move there and raise the orphaned families of 8 kids who have lost their parents to AIDS and their grandparents to age.
Then, the siblings wouöldn’t lose each other, they wouldn’t lost their histories or roots, and the oldest children in that family could continue their education while their adoptive parents fed everyone and cared for the house and fields. That said, do I want to pack up and go live in the middle of an epidemic to do the right thing? Not really.
I am haunted by the priest who told me that Subsaharan Africa faces extinction if a cure for AIDS is not found. Unfortunately, Madonna can’t cure AIDS.
Do I wish Madonna had also taken in David’s father and siblings too? Yes.
Would I take in an entire extra family just because I could afford to? Probably not.
Thank you so much for this shout-out — and yes, you’re right, I’m not an “adoption blog,” despite the fact that adoption is how our wonderful family came to be. Bless you for understanding.
And thanks again!
Karen
Chookooloonks
I second the Chookooloonks recommendation. Haven’t read the others so I can’t comment those.
It’s hard to say precisely what I think about celebrity adoptions. I guess most of me thinks that if I had millions upon millions of dollars then I probably would want to do whatever I could to create some sort of sustainable environment for children who are suffering in developing nations. I relate to the desire of wanting to scoop up a child and give him or her a life free of poverty and devastation, but I feel like there’s so much more that a major sphere of influence like a celebrity could do. The other, plain parent person in me just thinks that a celebrity (also probably a regular human) might just want to adopt some kids. Why don’t they have the right to do it just as we civilians do—without public scrutiny. They still have the right to be scrutinized and asked weird questions by strangers, parents, and friends though! (lol) anyway, thought provoking question…i’ll go, have rambled on too long!
Hi Kate, I just saw your comment about getting therapy for new moms and commented back on my blog. Post partum depression’s a really serious disorder and can happen to anyone, although having a predisposition for depression is surely a red flag.
You can check there for the details. (That one’s actually on http://whentherapistsblog.blogspot.com, not the URL I usually use that’s posted above.
This is a terrific site! I’ll link over here as soon as I get a minute to do that!
Take care, Linda
Linda,
Will check your post out now.
Liv- What if scenarios are everywhere. We all just do what we can.
Wow, I need to watch more tv I guess. I heard something about Madonna and a new child, but didn’t know she adopted. I don’t know the whole situation, so I can’t comment on Madonna’s story, but in general I don’t see anything wrong with international adoption. I know foster kids here have a rough time, but some kids in other countries are living on the streets and digging in the landfill for their meals. This happens in places like Venezuela. A friend of our family just adopted a little girl from Guatemala. They said they didn’t want a child from the U.S. because they didn’t want the mom changing her mind or suing to get her child back after the adoption was complete. Unfortunately, these kinds of scenarios that the courts have allowed discourage people from adopting within the U.S.
Karen, I’m not sure what the situation is from each US state to state, but I’ve always heard that most kids in foster care are not available for adoption. The kids who “grow up in the system, boucing from home to home” are really not the norm. Most are in care for short periods of time while their parents either get their lives together. Or, you know, get out of jail.
“adoption is not an act of rescue or of charity any more than having a child biologically is”
Thank you for recognizing this Kate. You’d be amazed how many people look at me and my daughter with pity in their eyes and say, “she’s so lucky to have you.” I just kiss her forehead and smile. “No,” I say in response. “I’m so lucky to have her.”
The reasons people adopt are as varied as the reasons people opt to have biological children, yet oftentimes our motivations are reduced to a single dimensions in other’s eyes.
Thanks, too, for stopping by swirlingnotions! It’s great to be able to share a bit of our family’s story with everyone there.
Cheers,
Lia