Anti-Bottlefeeding Coalition Denounces Eating Freely
February 17, 2009 by Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor
Filed under breastfeeding
Listen up people! There has been another sighting of Bottlefeeding In Public (BIP)! Some customers complained to management, but management said BIP was protected by law. So it’s time to get personal. It’s time to launch the Anti-Bottlefeeding Coalition Denounces Eating Freely Campaign (the ABCDEF Campaign for short). Modern society cannot tolerate babies eating from bottles in public! Whether you breastfeed or bottlefeed in the privacy of your own home, in the name of all that is decent, modest, and right, prepare yourself to make the following arguments against BIP:
BIP is unsanitary! You don’t know what’s in that bottle! It could be formula, it could be breast milk, and it could be unsanitary! Who knows whether that bottle was properly prepared. Fight disease, fight BIP!
BIP leads to spitting up! Bottlefeeding a baby in public can lead to copious amounts of spit up. What if a baby spits up and ruins the carpeting or furniture upholstery in a business? You don’t think those Bottlefeeding Parents are going to offer to pay, do you?
BIP leads to, um, other things! Bottlefeeding may be natural, but so is urinating and defecating and you wouldn’t urinate or defecate in public, would you? And what’s worse is bottlefeeding leads to urinating and defecating!
BIP is done to get attention! Be aware, be prepared! Bottlefeeding Parents might try to argue that BIP is done for the baby who needs to eat, but that baby doesn’t need to eat! Bottlefeeding Parents are just doing it for the attention! They whip out that bottle, and sometimes they hold the bottle in full view, including the nipple!
BIP can be done in the bathroom! If a baby really needs to eat, that baby can be fed in the bathroom, preferably in a stall while the Bottlefeeding Parent sits on the toilet. And the Bottlefeeding Parent can eat there too.
BIP should be done under a blanket! Carry a blanket with you at all times so you can offer it to the Bottlefeeding Parent to cover up. If you’re really feeling bold, throw that blanket over the baby without asking! It doesn’t matter if it’s hot under there. It doesn’t matter if the baby can’t see. It doesn’t matter if the baby doesn’t like the blanket. Bottlefeeding should be covered for the comfort of others nearby.
BIP must be discrete. I mean discreet. Discrete? Anyway. I’ll get back to you on this one when I figure out the difference between the usage of discreet and discrete. All I know is Bottlefeeding Parents should have the common courtesy of using discretion.
BIP uses bottles for the wrong purpose. Lots of people are under the mistaken impression that bottles are for feeding babies. We know that bottles are other people’s play toys. Keep bottlefeeding at home so people don’t get the wrong idea!
Ready to join the campaign? Then put on your Parenting Police badge and get out there!
Sponsored post: This post brought to you by “If You Think This Isn’t a Joke Then You’re Off Your Rocker” and the ABCDEF Campaign.
Food — pun intended — for thought…
Funny!
Oh, and you want “discreet” not “discrete.” Discreet refers to modesty and discrete refers to time (as in “Discrete Trial Instruction” for kids with autism).
Jen
Jennifer, I know the difference in usage but most people who argue that breastfeeding mothers should be more discreet do not (at least if the comments on my blog are any indication)!
Oh, that’s funny. Always the educator, I guess! Maybe some of those people will figure it out now!
Thanks for the laugh!
Of course we would never do this if we saw BIP. Which just drives home the point of how ridiculous many people’s reactions to nursing in public are.
You’re so clever!! Thanks for the laugh and for pointing out the absurdity of so many of the “arguments” people make about breastfeeding!
What about extended BIP leading to underage drinking? It’s just one slippery step from the one bottle to some kind of perversion…
Good post. I have to say, though, that I feel sad when I see a baby with what looks to be a bottle of formula (the colour is different from breast milk) in public. I always hope that the mom is nursing at home but just not comfortable in public.
Oh, this is TOO funny! All joking aside, I hope someone reads this and realizes how silly their protest against breastfeeding in public really is!
Write on! (Pun intended and appropriate). I laughed out loud.
Enjoyed the laughs this morning. Excellent column and campaign. A few years ago I saw a toddler running around a movie theater drinking Coke from a bottle! He would stop to eat popcorn. Because people were staring at the little guy, his parents commented out loud “People think he is too little to eat popcorn. They are wrong”. Yes, “they”, meaning the parents, are wrong on three accounts—shouldn’t be drinking Coke from anything, eating popcorn or disturbing people who paid money to see the adult movie.
LOL, so clever. Great job Angela.
How and where mothers feed their babies is their business. End of story. I nursed my daughter until she was 7 months old, but I never nursed her in public. I just wasn’t comfortable.
ewwwww…..do people REALLY do that??? BIP??? Apparently I need to get out more!! hehehehe
ALL HAIL TO “THE BREAST”
..there not JUST for saline and silicone.